Suicidal purgatory

The pills I can hear them calling my name 
it doesn’t matter this always ends the same
the poison, the blade the barrel of a gun 
All in all it can’t be done 
for as soon a I pick up the tool meant for my demise
an ocean of tears come to my eyes  
for that moment my veins are made of steel 
no rope 
no gun could do trick 
at least that’s what I tell myself 
my skin is now too thick 
I reach this point and never want to die. 
Even though I wish to say goodbye
these weapons always call my name  
their voices I cannot tame 
I often pull myself out of this place 
but I know the time will come where I welcome deaths embrace