THANKYOU (a letter to my ex)

You made me cry,
And every tear that fell I caught,
Trapped them in a bottle and kept
In case you ever needed quenching.
 
You hit me,
Left marks upon my bare skin,
And every bruise and cut and graze
I covered as best I could so I would still look pretty for you.
 
You called me names,
And for every ‘bitch’ and ‘slut’ and ‘idiot’
I tried to be nicer, more innocent and better educated,
So that I would be good enough for you.
 
You left me,
Stormed out the door one night and never came home,
And for every cold night I spent alone
I left the door unlocked so you could return if you wanted to.
 
I took your abuse,
Mental physical and emotional,
Never blaming you
Because I always thought I was at fault somehow.
 
It’s been exactly 1 week.
I don’t cry as much,
I dried my tears and smashed the bottle
Because I realised you drink from a different fountain now.
 
 
It’s been exactly 1 month.
I did not cover up today,
I let the last of my old bruises show
And I look beautiful.
 
It’s been exactly 6 months.
Today I spoke my mind,
I wore a short skirt to a club where I made a stupid decision
And got told by a girl in a bathroom that I deserved more than this world could give.
 
It’s been roughly 4 years.
Along the line somewhere I lost track of the exact dates of our history,
You see life has been most hectic recently
And I have new dates to remember.
 
I took your abuse,
Mental physical and emotional,
And I blame you for all the times you caused undeserved pain
Because I realise now I never wronged you.
 
I very seldom have time to write these days,
I’ve lost my flow a little now my energy goes into being a wife and a mother,
And though I will never forgive you for the pain you caused in our broken house
I just wanted to thank you for the home it lead me to.