'no not at all'

He was that guy

Who everyone loved 

Noone could ever come above 

He had that spark in his eye

The kind thatshowed he wouldn't hurt a fly

He had everyone's trust 

He was good and true 

And they said "you're lucky if he even looks at you!"

And then one day it happened

As i was walking through the hall 

His pair of green eyes looked at me and then appeared a smile

Me?

I turned and checked.

Me.

I guess i was considered lucky 

And then it all began

The look became a smile, the smile became a conversation and that became a joke

And then 

'hey, so I think you're really cool, what's your number?'

He handed me his phone and I entered the digits 

He then tookback his phone and looked sheepish

'i hope this isn't a problem'

He said

'no not at all'

Thephone number meant more conversations and more secrets that were told

Like how he pissed himself on the beach once

Oh gosh what a laugh

And then..

'a date?!' I asked

I've never been on one of those 

'yes! If you don't mind?'

'no not all'

..

The date was amazing!

We're three months in

But i can't help feel like something's changings

He's different

More distant

His smiles

Barely existent

I found a pair of knickers

They were on the sofa barely hidden

They weren't mine that's for sure

He admitted there was someone else because I didn't have that "allure"

His drinking increased 

His insults unbareable

And half of my clothes were deemed unwearable 

He said he didn't want guys looking at what was his

He made me an object a a dog toy made to be chewed up and spat

I tried to ignore him and not go and meet 

But I was too scared of getting beat...

___ ___ ___ ___

My heart was heavy 

My fear on high

My breathing unsteady

With tears in my eyes

As I lay there helpless

Whilst he ripped me of my pride

He threw away the condom of what was left of me

And asked in his slurred voice

'did you like that?'

'no not at all'

he was the guy who could break my heart in an instant and reduce me to nothing but scars and pain