'no not at all'

He was that guy
Who everyone loved
Noone could ever come above
He had that spark in his eye
The kind thatshowed he wouldn't hurt a fly
He had everyone's trust
He was good and true
And they said "you're lucky if he even looks at you!"
And then one day it happened
As i was walking through the hall
His pair of green eyes looked at me and then appeared a smile
Me?
I turned and checked.
Me.
I guess i was considered lucky
And then it all began
The look became a smile, the smile became a conversation and that became a joke
And then
'hey, so I think you're really cool, what's your number?'
He handed me his phone and I entered the digits
He then tookback his phone and looked sheepish
'i hope this isn't a problem'
He said
'no not at all'
Thephone number meant more conversations and more secrets that were told
Like how he pissed himself on the beach once
Oh gosh what a laugh
And then..
'a date?!' I asked
I've never been on one of those
'yes! If you don't mind?'
'no not all'
..
The date was amazing!
We're three months in
But i can't help feel like something's changings
He's different
More distant
His smiles
Barely existent
I found a pair of knickers
They were on the sofa barely hidden
They weren't mine that's for sure
He admitted there was someone else because I didn't have that "allure"
His drinking increased
His insults unbareable
And half of my clothes were deemed unwearable
He said he didn't want guys looking at what was his
He made me an object a a dog toy made to be chewed up and spat
I tried to ignore him and not go and meet
But I was too scared of getting beat...
___ ___ ___ ___
My heart was heavy
My fear on high
My breathing unsteady
With tears in my eyes
As I lay there helpless
Whilst he ripped me of my pride
He threw away the condom of what was left of me
And asked in his slurred voice
'did you like that?'
'no not at all'
he was the guy who could break my heart in an instant and reduce me to nothing but scars and pain
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Comments
what an amazing poem.
if the poem is about your experiences i hope that you are ok and have got support.
your poem is very powerful and i hope that lots of people read it. rape and abuse is unacceptable and by talking about it might change wider attitudes yo rape and move away from argumrnts of promescuity to respect.
thank you for your poem and i wish you the best.
Thank you so much and no I haven't been raped but I understand how it must feel and that the relationship leading to raoe is gradual and no-one would choose to be with someonewho came out abd told them that they'd abuse them.