The beginning of the end

You destroyed the person I was and the person I thought I could be.
You destroyed my future and my ability to be smile I just want to be happy.
Getting kicked out of school and home and losing all my friends
I don’t like knowing that my life is nearly at It’s end
When I was dating you there was a choice to make
Was I willing to lose my friends for our relationships sake
I chose to stay with you, and I felt so alone,
All those sleepless nights just staring at the phone.
Hoping you or anybody would call and stop me from ending my life
But even if I was standing right in front of you, I’d just be handed a knife
Most things that happened have become something to forget
Saying thank god our baby died is something you should regret
That was the moment everything was broken and I knew from that night
That there would no longer be an us, our future wasn’t bright
All that time you never knew why I was so depressed
You didn’t know why I was always awake, why I couldn’t get any rest
You didn’t know that when he died you were screaming at me
You didn’t know that I needed you, though it wasn’t hard to see
Where were you all those times I cried myself to sleep?
Where were you all those times I had cut my veins so deep?
Why didn’t you ever hear me screaming out your name?
I was sleeping at the park screaming out in pain
But sometimes I wake up happy and forget the shit you said
Like you are just junky slut, I hope to see you in the gutter dead
I forget that you told me that nobody will ever love me and nobody will ever care
And maybe I should kill myself that way there is more air
It takes me a minute maybe less to realize it was true
I wake up and notice everything in my life was destroyed because of you
You’re the one that hurt me, the one that made me mad
You got me hit and stole my things, I don’t know why I’m sad
I don’t know why I need you, or love you and I don’t know why I care
You’re the one that deserves to die so I can still breathe melbournes air
Not the air from the park bench that I’ve been sleeping at
But the air from my bedroom not needing a baseball bat
My mummy and daddy would love me again if only you would go
I’d have all my friends back, and the real Caty might show
I’m sick of people like you, that don’t care what they do
I really hope when your name gets mentioned they do not know you
Because you are just a heartless cunt I hope you burn in hell
Sure I’m still in love with you but I don’t think I would dwell
I think your death would make me better in a way I do not know
I guess I might start eating again, my rib bones might now show
I might stop trying to kill myself , and acting like a whore
But I guess I’d stop this also, if I knew why you closed the door
You made me hate my body, you made me hate my life
You made me feel worthless, I was always alone with a knife
I am clearly nicer than you, I didn’t treat my friends like crap
I don’t bully the person in love with me until finally they snap
I know you never loved me, or else I wouldn’t have needed to cry
But at the end of the day I am better than you I didn’t cheat or lie
I’ve convinced myself that your dead, because you really deserve to be
You destroyed my family, friendships and future. I miss the real me