The emotion with no identity

I can't make panic sound beautiful. I can't take you down the rabbit hole of my worries and make it a Wonderland you'd want to stay in. Anxiety can't sound like roses and a simple self care day. My stress is no monster under the bed. Nor a shadow that follows me. It's beyond being able to express it all. A Windows error code if you will. Too much to process past the writers block. Sometimes getting a grip feels like holding hot coals, and "calming down" feels like eating them. It's not an untamable beast, it's my right hand that decides to spasm when I need it most. I can't call it a sickness, because a sickness requires a doctor.
I can't call it out of my control; when there are days I have conquered. The human mind always looks for a resolution.
My mind at the moment is 1,000 piece jigsaw dumped fresh out of the box. The thoughts are intrusive, in all caps, like a keyboard slam with coherent words in the middle. A story with no real setting but a very clear plot. I can use hundreds of metaphors, thousands of similes, find myself in every allegory; and it still doesn't show every angle. I find my stress to be a cup of water. It can make me healthy, in that I do things I didn't think I could. Though my kidneys and bladder hurt because I tend to over drink. Feeling it build is like holding ten pounds over your head, easy at first but then all of a sudden your arms feel numb and you can't use them right. Putting the weight down should be easy, but I've built a stable relationship with my stress. Well, I guess relationship wouldn't be the right word. To have a relationship, means that stress is personified. That it is more than what it is. Stress is funny like that. It can eat you up beyond words, but everyone knows the feeling. They just happen to know it a little differently. It can be a villain, a clone, a monster, a shadow or a friend. Though it is none of these things. It is simply an emotion, and I could go on to tell you more about what it feels like...But you already know. Anxiety, stress, panic it is only as hard as you make it. Though right now, for a reason I'm still trying to find, I've turned my ant hill into a mountain. So the choice is now, do I try and destroy the mountain? Or do I learn how to climb?