A Ghost of My Self That Was

I did not want to fall
asleep
last night again
without you ..
And so, I sat alone
on the balconet
in the pouring rain
with a full jug
of wine, but minus
the usual cigarettes ..
It was there
where I felt,
for the first time lost ..
Not like a visitor
lost, or alone ..
But more like an
unwelcome guest,
or a ghost perhaps ..
In what was
once, my very own
perfect mountain home ..