The Ignored One

The Ignored One
Everytime, a goodbye
There where I for once welcome a beautiful soul
I seem to already have to say goodbye
With that gaze of mine
Why?
I want
Love
Can I
Love?
No more a goodbye after a deserved hi!
Even with a gaze
But a, I hope to see you soon!
With a gaze?
Have a good day and
Having plans for the weekend?
May I?
Say hi?
One gaze?
Can I really amaze
Men?
Without only stealing pleasure as plan?
Or should I be quiet and forever alone
Being the silent?
Loud but silent?
With my gaze?
Kept frozen in a photograph they seem to marry
While the World its suffer I carry
Somehow I wonder, who wants me right now?
I have nothing

Nature I ask:
Can someone look me in my eyes?
I want to share a moment
Dont be shy
Men seem to start confident but end up
Shy
Did they told you to say
Goodbye?
Heroes only seem to be left to my imagination and hope
While others hurt me to hurt them and hurt The Earth until its left to the dirt
As I had to say goodbye
Before I met time
With you
That you stopped right there
In my bedroom, but also In France
Time
That left me
Why?
When I saw you
To be real
I feel left alone to a crime to never shine
You showed your face and there was I
You left a moment in my past
Can I make it go further on?
Who are you that I want to
Share more of these moments with
Moments I can lay down with
On a bed I these days dont have
As I left a hateful, destroyful past
Could it be my future feelings we fly on 
As we daydream maybe together
Who knows?
Your thoughts I keep pulling from that questioning gaze in the clouds I was staring at
Were you amazed? Lll
On what line were you on?
Right or left?
Stuck in crimescenes and theft?
Could this be somehow a test?
I am more worth than just a start
Or some words or clicks about that girl
Endless counts endless thrills
Untill I die left alone on crimescenes to appear on
Sick minds and his fantasies?
I think he is different
I look like a whore but true men seem to adore
Me
I distract and forget ones sick past
To climb further on future time
I wish I could make you feel as much
Love, attraction and care
A possible future I could share
But I always seem to be left alone somewhere
As no one seems to dare
To say hi
Were you scared?
I still care
It makes me scared
Only a single gaze we shared
Thoughts saved on a single gaze?
I imagine too much
Care too much
Hide it too much
As I died because of it too much
In the mind
Because I feel
People seem to hate me
Only because I feel
I still, feel
I cry so I still
Feel

A face shown, there where I was blown away by:
Why you?!
It left a mark in my shy being saying why that French guy?
I always end up saying goodbye
With the gaze of mine
As I never have to talk
They just walk, further on
Ignoring me
Could i be boring?
Do i look stupid?
Or ugly?
Could I be maybe just too free?
On hate, forever I wait,
To erase hateful gazes from my lovable memories
How to fill in darkness, a lonely search for some love and awareness
To love more and hate less
As I barely hate I must confess
I confess that I was lost
I still am lost
In Paris Gare du Nor
Lost
Looking for a small room to be alone with things hanging on my line in my cloud
I was still alive and so proud
Daydreams somewhere to be found on terabyte and gigabyte
Did you went on mine?
Got something to hide?
Like to intertwine as you have stopped my time?
Why not just say hi? In real daily life?
These things I question myself and feel as stupid as I am these days
Le stupide
Communism kept me stuck in my hopeless dreams trying to copy and steal what should be only meant for the real
To for once mean something to the world
To make and share true love
Art and love
I feel no love as I feel unsafe
How to make, create, while feeling lost these days?
I only imagine of how it could feel
The silent should win from the loud
In my current daydream i came, silent but loud
With someone i wish to talk to on my count
Time
You kept it right there
Dimensions I daydream about
With you
Did you come as loud?
But only for me to hear?
What if you would come near?
Would it let insanity disappear?
It kept me stuck on our time

But they keep walking further on
Men who just seem to pretend in the end
And say goodbye
With empty gazes
Money that amazes
Those lost gazes
Or gazes filled with others pain and shame turned into empty faces
Too late to just stay and say hey
Brainwashed to be passed
By my time
I even say goodbye
With the gaze of mine
To those who only seem to steal away treasures of my time
The silent talks for me
The future decides for me
The patient one cares for me
The lovable one stays with me
And will wait
Can we erase together a past it's hateful gaze?
And make love?
Share love?
Become love?,
Who is he
And who am I to him?
I keep questioning
The Ignored One
Stuck here in Düsseldorf HBF
With 2 procent phonebattery left

Nadiya Amina Awei(y)s Mohamed Mohado Sheikh Nur
30-11-1995
03-09-2021
10:33PM

No phonenetwork.
I feel embarrased and alone.
I wish i could have friends. At least.
A job or getting shelter seems impossible.
I asked strangers for a place to stay in the beginning.
I slept on benches  but felt strong.
Shelters and hotels.
I miss a cosy warm place for my own or ..?
I feel weak.
Used and weak.
I miss my parents and family.
But they are stuck with insanity and want me to be free
Every hope is leaning on me
Why?
Its heavy. I barely know.
I just go
And follow
Love?

....
Love to be there for once for my own
I dont want to share
Someone who cares
Do you dare?
I always wait
For someone who
Dares to
Wants to
Be with me to
Love
What takes it to love?
No illusion
No confusion
Only love

.
Went on writing in the train. Help. People treat me not so good. Inhuman way. I have never felt so left alone by my parents and family. Friends and countries. By law and more. No human rights. I do nothing wrong, close to nothing. People even steal from me. Wish me to become angry and cry as i now do. Can i be human and so cry? Love? And feel? In NL i had no medical help. Nothing. I wrote a poem. I felt extremely in love, or about to fall in love. I have seen him in Paris. Cant get him out of my mind. I admit. I dont want to go there either. I want to go to the UK or here even, as long as its safe. I dont know how life is in Paris. Could be beautiful. I have only seen harshness. I was amazed by Eiffels tower. And in this country by nature. I dont want to go to NL. I felt dead there in the mind for my whole life. I see in color i would say in april. France was magical somewhere. How is he doing? I care ever since after one gaze thinking like, ehmm?... I miss myfam.