The Mother Wound

Ever felt motherless with a mother
who is Alive?
Comforted by her unhealed thorns, 
and alienated by her trophies, emotionally absent,
inherited trauma, branding scornful words into the flesh of my memory,
scarring my sense of trust and vulnerability...
...and love.
My siblings kissed the ring to avoid the noose.
I hang suspended over my village, a symbol of disrespect
to a narcissistic throne.
What is love without pain,
when I sucked in tainted breast milk
from a shiny bottle?
Even the father who is missing from my surname
but present in my DNA got lynched by discrediting information.
"Maybe I'm just like my father. Too bold...."
Growing with a false sense of nourishment
to those who were shine-blind and missed the poison.
Blaming my inner child for trauma-responses, acting out
when I was only screaming for acceptance
and recognition and help and maybe an "it's okay, baby" kind of hug
when blood stained my sheets,
after the heavy door slammed
and she locked it shut with indifference.
Goodbye, good girl....
Neglect became my expectation, so I neglected myself.
Fixed my face
and faced social shallowness with spite,
scanning aisles for Hallmark cards that were polite
but didn't overdo it. "Best Mom Ever!" I announced from my scars,
upholding her homecoming queen image and public persona, 
while my most tender wounds sent me
to metal cages and different bars and rotating beds and self-destruction and
broken down razor blades, making victims
of my wrists and well meaning lovers,
leaving them in petty hashtags and therapy, because I had to prove
abuse didn't get the best of me, when I in fact had turned ...
into the abuser. Limited empathy.
"Maybe I'm just like my mother. She's never satisfied."
No one could win my love,
my words were weapons branded by generational curses....
But.
Self-love and spiritual enlightenment healed me forward,
rebirthing my wounded soul into something more whole, 
more grounded in chosen family, community care.
"This is what it sounds like...when doves cry."
Spiritually reborn, love is self-love and Divine-love and healthy boundaries,
mothering myself.