The Secret Handshake

Perhaps you'll gain entry to heaven but I doubt it,
or bribe the immigration official on the internet;
caught in a speedtrap you were ushered straight thro,'
pandemic no problem, go anywhere, do what you want to do.

You stood naked in front of a panel to gain brotherhood,
compass in one hand, set square in another, as you would;
cash sure thing if you need help, we'll just bail you out,
with such privileges you wondered what the fuss was about.

We're in court now, I'm being charged with murder,
but with all my special knowledge, I should get an offer;
it didn't work - what went wrong, failure unthinkable,
sometimes escaping your backside is just not tenable.

'Don't worry brother - we'll all look after you inside,' 
dragged off - 'It wasn't supposed to be this way,' you cried.