Tired

In truth, I’m tired.
Tired of being the one in the background
The one who doesn’t get a share of the spotlight
The one who quietly waits in the wings
Writing out her dreams.
I’m tired of being on my hands and knees
Scrubbing the floors, waiting for Prince Charming
To Whisk me away on his white steed….
I’m Tired of sore feet and aching bones
Tired of sleepless nights and withered roses
Tired of Clocks, Tick tick ticking
Counting down the time until I die.

I’m tired of being walked over…
I give but don’t receive,
Bend over backwards but get nothing in return.
I trade in labor for nothing
I trade in emotions for trauma.
I try to be good, I try to be respectful
But on rare occasions, I lash out…
All because I’m tired.
Tired of letting you decide my fate.

I’m tired of constant fights
Tired of sitting on my bed, crying a river
Tired of feeling weak and powerless
Tired of Tilling my grave
Because I’m tired of being the one
Who lies awake at night, wondering…
What would happen if I died right now.
Maybe then I’d get more respect.

I’m tired of you pointing out my weight
The curves of my chest,
thickness of my thighs.
I’m tired of you battering my self esteem
Telling me that stretch marks are bad
Telling me the fact I’m 172 pounds and overweight
And that no one will find me attractive if I don’t diet
I’m tired of staring in the mirror
Wondering why he even loves me.

I’m tired of you telling me I don’t know who I am.
I’m tired of explaining who I am
But yet you don’t understand.
I tell you I’m genderfluid, I tell you I’m a Wiccan
But you turn around and assume I’m confused
Because I don’t share the same views as you
and My sexuality is wrong in your eyes.
And yet you don’t do your research
you don’t try to understand.

I’m tired of being beaten and battered
Called a slut, told my tits are too big
called easy, dressed “slutty”
Tired of you not believing me when I say
“I never touched anyone”
That I’m too loyal, too prideful
to give something so special to someone else
I don’t understand why you don’t believe me.

I’m tired of being told it won’t work out
That being in love with someone half a country away
will never work and I should leave.
I’m tired of you judging me based on who I love
I’m tired of you assuming he’s abusive
And cruel and stupid, because everyone you ever loved was.
I’m tired of being compared to you
I’m tired of being told I’m to young to be in love
and that long distance is a joke.

I’m tired of feeling depressed
I’m tired of feeling Like I’ll never live up
to your ridiculously high expectations
Tired of not being perfect
Tired of being the one who fixes everything
and never fixed in return
I’m tired of being told my dreams won’t work
That long distance never works
that my dreams of being an artist isn’t practical
That money will always matter more than happiness.
I’m tired.