To my mum and my late and great dad.....

I’m sorry to you mum and my late and great dad,
For any anguish,
Torment or even mental pain.
For all and everything that I’ve ever bought our family shame.
All I should have ever done is shut up and behave.
That’s all in the past now but I bet it still hurts all the same. Just wish you could be here now dad, So I could show you the man you've made.
All I ever done as a teen and before,
The crap I put you through with local police knocking on the front door,
Me just standing there with my eyes to the floor.
I’m sorry mum and my late and great dad,
For in the beginning, I was the making of a child to teen gone mad.
I really hate to admit it,
But I feel,
partly the reason you’re not here dad,
Is the stress,
Anger and finally anguish, Anguish being the last one,
Through my cancer I caused. I cant help but think,
That with my out of control behaviour,
Lead to the stroke and fatal fall that day,
So as much as I'd like to, I can’t blame it all on Tess. I’m sorry for all the times the schools called from infants to sixth form,
For all the fights I got in,
And detention and suspension,
I’m sorry for it all.
Sorry for not being the model son,
For the childhood you both  gave me,
It was the least I could have done.
I’m sorry for all the sleepless nights I caused,
For all the palpitations, Depression and vertigo. I’m sorry dad but I can’t let go.
7 and a half years since your fate on your card of life ended,
I’ve never properly grieved,
I don’t know how?
Your life ended then,
But dad I wish you were still around.
If you were still here we’d be whole again, The Bevan family.
Kobe,
Riley and Bradley are always asking about you and what made you so great,
I just tell them of bedtime stories and how much you, And vice versa,
Loved and cared for me and how much effort you put in, To be the greatest dad that ever did live. I’ve tried to keep it going,
But you were so much better at the helm,
I wish you were here to guide this ship,
Before I slam, Strike and smash right it into the rocks, splintering the whole families vessel,
It’ll be a mess,
A wreck.
I’m determined to do as you did with me,
Mum and my late and great dad,
And be your grandsons Hero, just like you both are and were to me.
I’m determined to do it no matter the cost,
I’m determined to do it ,
As since my brother left and disowned the name of our family,
Not only that but he only has girls,
Through no fault of his own and has now had a vasectomy.
So if it wasn’t for me,
Then it would be the end of our side of the Bevan dynasty. So since dad’s passing I’ve been the leading family man, But if I should fall Then it all falls on Kobe to be the leader of the Bevan family clan.
But I have Riley and Bradley too,
So with all three I’m hoping through and through,
That at least 1 of them,
I hope,
will produce a boy,
To carry on our namesake, Otherwise would be such a shame,
Such a waste,
To never hear the sound of our Bevan family name.
So hopefully I can shed some light from the darkness and follow,
In the footsteps of my late n great dad and continue to love my mum,
As she’s the only one left of the 2 greatest heroes In my life,
The only parent who can make a difference for me.
So I’m thankful to her and appreciate everything big or small she is doing, As right now at 33, she’s flown back from India,
About a week into her 6 month stint of going.
I said I didn’t need it but she came anyway.
Although now I’m thankful,
As i didn't realise how much pain I was in.
Or even know,
for all these weeks I'd be bed and wheelchair ridden.
My late n great dad would have been there on the spot, Just like mum,
As the both Of them are my greatest heroes And I love them both for all the crap,
As a child,
Teen and man I did get in. So one more time for my mother and my late and great dad, To the life you both gave to me, And all the holidays,
Birthdays, Care and love, I keep all those memories in a special place in my brain, I like to call it my treasure trove xx