To those I love

Everyone says I'm brave
They all think that I'm strong
I can' give up on this life
I've got to keep fighting on

But they don't know how I'm feeling inside
What it's like to live this "life" that I have
How it feels to wake up each day
To know sickness and pain are my only path

I can't remember the last time I felt normal
This is now normal for me
But this isn't a life that's worth living
Why's it so hard for them to see?

I wake up everyday feeling so low
Wishing the day hadn't come
Wishing I hadn't woke up to it
It's not like I'm any use to anyone

My kids deserve more than I can give them
A mum who's to tired and ill
Without me I know they would miss me
But life would be better still

The man that I share my life with
If anyone could call this a life
He tells me how much he loves me
And waits for the day I'm his wife

But it' not fair for him to suffer this fate too
There's so much out there for him
I wish he could understand that
Without me his life could begin

I used to believe I was some one
Who could always get by when it was tough
But this life has taken what's left of me
Fighting, well I've done enough

The life I have lived has destroyed me
Now I'm mentally and physically done
It wasn't enough to have suffered
But this illness on top well it's won

I wish I could just close my eyes now
Drift to an eternal sleep
And pray the happy times that got fewer with time
Are the memories of me they keep

For I didn't choose for this life
And I know all too well everyday
That there's no out for me
But they deserve the chance to get away

This life has taken so much from me
The choices I have are so few
I can choose to say no more
To leave an escape route for you

It doesn't mean I don't love you
Or that I don't dream what we should be
But this illness is just so consuming
How can you be happy with me

If I get my wish and one day don't wake up
This isn't a life you should mourn 
I'm finally free of suffering
My body and soul were so worn

Know that I'll love you always
And watch over you as you sleep
I couldn't promise happy ever after
But this is a promise I'll keep