Tough growth to love

I'm from a dry reality

Lesson learnt reality

Where Love was tough love

A trustworthy man hard to find

Pure joy was worked for

Never lived within me

In trust, love and happiness

I had to chase

Anger and bad experience

Was pillar of my strength

Yes I was shown love but

Tough love

Yet I loved loving

Though I wanted to be taught

how to... Love

Yet I was treated

like a golden crown

when I only wanted to be appreciated for me

I wasn't myself

Just an impression crown

Strong at heart yet weak in how

to love when I'm not myself

I had to live with that love at hand

Hoping to grow and find

myself in it

A new girl with no experience

To commitment relationship

More like forced in it

To be what he wants me to be for him and his self-centred hopes

Yet I love the idea of him to love

Like any other girl, I liked him

Something sweet

Something smooth

Something humble

Something true

Sounded more like a trap

See

I never knew

Pure meaning of love

Real meaning of love

Definition of love

But love as war zone

Love as what you earn

I thought tough love is sweet love

I thought sweet love is about being spoiled

I thought if you spoiled then

There is no reason to leave and

Look elsewhere

I wasn't blind by love

I hustled through it

Like a hustler

Love was war

Love was pain

Love was like a job

But was I loved for me?

Like a new girl in the field

I thought a man owns love

And only he could share his love

I thought only a man controls,

His a bread winner in love

Only he rules

Only he spoils

Only him who has needs

Only little I knew

Yet that was not the love

I seeked for

Not the love I yearned for

I longed for team work

Even if team work existed

I longed to feel trusted

Believed at and loved for me

Love me for me

Appreciate me

Not to create me only to meet your needs

How will I build my man with love?

How, when he thinks he owns me?

I received a wake up call

Admitted at hospital

Because of words that crushed me

Depression that controlled me

I was weak

Too weak to let words crush me

I lived for you

I longed for your love...

Yet I was nobody to you

My 1st you were my last so I hoped

Thought my life is over

I was told I'm not fit to be a wife

I was undermined, judged

Ripped by words I never deserved never earned

Yet marriage was proposed to me

As way of forgiveness

My rejection is no regret

My worth is my better deserve

Thought true meaning of true love never existed

Love never existed

Jesus came and took my burdens

I knew I wasn't alone

He heard my prayers

Yet I still didn't know...

Sweet Love met me

I smiled and indulged the moment

The moment was confirmed

God blessed me

I thanked him

Sweet love

Yet I still feared like an alien

who never knew love

Till Love showed it to me.

Now my heart has a sweet home

Happily Married!

LBM

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