Trap Doors

I try to believe the words,
that have been otherwise contradicted by your actions.
Spoken lust leaves you lips.
Words clouded by smoke.
A low high.

The world revolves around us.
Us as a whole.
The things we do,
the things we believe,
what we have said.
To each other and the world.
We both desire a love.
A love deeper than the ocean.
Thicker than the skin on our feet.
The only loss… Happiness.
The one thing we cannot give each other.
Happiness begins to feel as if it were a myth.
   It becomes an aspiration,
a hope,
a dream.
We perform the highest form of worship.
Sex.
My mind conjures up questions upon questions.
My courage evaporates from my body.
Leaving me speechless…Breathless.

After one pleasuring experience,
I begin to treasure you.
The pleasure you give.
The way you take me breath away.
I try to pleasure you,
becomes thing I’m not.
What I am.
Tried to fit your description of perfect.
I became prettier.
Respected myself more.
  Grew as a person.
Converted to a new religion.
Got on my knees every time we met.
Stayed down until we both said
Amen…Amen…Amen
I agree to fast for multiple days.
Eventually letting my hair grow past my ankles.
Regaining the confidence I lost.
I asked the questions and I prayed.
The deep need to know led me to believe,
I needed to open this door.
But… Doors led to trap doors.