TRICK OR TREAT

Trick or treat 
Come inside 
Put up your feet 
Would you like something 
Nice to eat?

Welcome, welcome 
to my house of pain 
leave your car 
down that there lane 
or did you happen 
to come on the train? 
never mind 
Come inside 
get out the rain

hang your coat
upon that their meat hook 
hurry now 
here comes our cook 
straight out of some 
horror book 
white chef suit 
covered in blood 
tell her what
you'd like her to cook
from her alternative 
cook book 

hmm 
let me suggest 
our inferior 
meat fest  
there you'll find 
steaks
a plenty 
human ribs
from Ben and Jenny 
fricassee 
of poor old mike 
roasted arm 
and leg off Anne 
cured heart 
of poor old jan 
eyeball stew 
made from sue 
be careful with that one 
last time i ate it 
i couldn't get off the loo 

And what about  pud? 
made from some poor  stud 
here is a drink 
made purely from blood 
come on folks eat up  
and enjoy 
imaging your eating
at the savoy
carved out heads 
with custard and cream 
made from our latest  guest 
some old drag queen
her jokes were foul 
and quite obscene 
but the meat off her bones 
tastes quite lean

try this our latest treat
slow roasted toes 
and steamed feet
from Pete 
it tastes quite a treat 
finishing this meal 
can prove quite a feat
just ask the last one 
she didn’t finish 
her meal  

she's down in the cellar 
oooh,
listen to her squeal
now i bet she wished 
she'd finished her meal 
then she wouldn’t have to 
Listen to herself squeal  
she would have left 
body parts intact
now all she is leaving in 
is a zip up black bag 
or maybe a doggy bag
with left over scraps  

Be careful
when entering this venue 
your name
might end up on the menu