True inner feelings.

How do you feel? Is a question I hate

No point explaining; you cannot relate

I don’t want to talk I don’t want to share

You could be sincere I really don't care

What's on your mind? another shit line

Easily avoided by saying I'm fine

If I told you, you’d regret you had asked

My inner thoughts are carefully masked

 with good reason they’re not to be shared

I don’t feel the need for my soul to be bared

The fondness and affection which I always came to give,

Has now gone away, simply doesn’t exist,

My mind is now contained by a deep and heavy mist-

Cant concentrate on others, nothing more I have to give,

My troubles are now amplified as I proceed to live

I don’t feel the security of a family anymore

Despising my sister even worse than before

Sick of the pretence hiding what should be said

Her insight of real life coming from something she read

Dad is no longer with this world neither is my mother

Before, mum and I could always rely on one another

I fear the inner dark thoughts that remain from my losses

Morbidly aware we all bare our crosses

its all out of my control which evokes Hatred I feel

the explosion of uncontrollable feelings are real

fine line breaks quickly between  love and hate

am I now on the right path written in the hands of fate?

past relationships were fickle I falsely gave love to all

I've now  created a hard callous wall

scared I cant love and alone I feel

intoxicated to mask what is real 

Life teaches lessons that are not written anywhere

Choices decisions past mistakes we must bear

Endlessly trying to focus my attention to hope

Hope that I have reason to continue to cope.