trust the love?

I had to work so hard
Work to train myself to open up
To tell people how I really feel
Destroy my feelings but spearing their's
Building walls around my heart
Nobody can get in 
But that also means I can't get out
The moment I open up 
They find a reason to cut me out
Carved in a image of someone who was meant to be alone
Tho I say I don't mind
 Words I force out of my mouth
I just know im better off.
Truth its...
I care to much..
Care to much about what people think
Care to much about my feelings that always get hurt in the end
Care to much about ppl who get close
Bond's that are bound to be broken
Broken bonds that brake my heart
And the broken pieces lie in the bottom of my stomach
Smothering my butterflys making it really hard to fly
This memory of feeling abandoned...
Its got choke holds on my vocal chords
Every time I try to be open and be  honestI can't go through with itI start to stutter 
Then eventually just stop talking and every time I try to have a real smile
My gut tells me to fake it because the real smile is broken
They can see the pain in ur eyes already.. 
dont let the pain reflect in your smile
Telling myself if God wanted me with them
I whould have been born with them
Im Better off aloneAnyway...
any and every way... 
My life is the perfect example of the elastic band effect..
But I always get hurt because I dont ever wanna let go
get hurt trusting them not to hurt me because they "love" meThats what always stops me