TWO FEET ON THE GROUND

I’m a terrible flyer 
Nope I’m a liar 
I’m an abysmal flyer

I hate the noise of the engine 
As the turbine 
Starts to turn 
I hate how the wings 
Make me feel 
As the plane 
Begins to lean

I hate the way my ears pop
On take off 
As it gains some altitude 
I could tell the pilot to do one 
But I know that’s rather 
rude

I hate the trolley 
Dollies when they 
Try and be nice 
But inside most 
Are mean 

I hate the meals they serve 
What’s that all about?
If I ate that crap 
I’d have a ruptured 
Spleen

I’d rather just
 have some tea 
And a round of 
custard creams  

I hate how the passengers 
Voices echo through the plane 
The voices seem so loud 
Drives me near insane 

I hate the inconsiderate 
Person in front
When he lays his seat 
Right back 

I get quite angry 
And feel like kicking 
Him in the back 
And say a word out loud 
That begins with TW
And ends in AT

The best part of the flight 
Is when I hear the wheels 
Screech on the ground 

And when the plane
finally comes to a stop 
That feeling is profound 

But the best part of a plane ride 
For me
 that’s for sure 
Is when that door finally opens 
And my two feet hit the floor