Unspeakable

Unspeakable words etch through
my mind as if my tongue has been taken out of my mouth
for the sorrow that I feel deep in my heart
is like a torch that burns indefinitely
Who am I as an individual?
One who speaks without caring whom I hurt? No never.
My genuine love and efforts I put forth
are a daily challenge filled with the earnest desires for triumph.
 A flawless day is never possible due to imperfection; no satisfaction enters my mind without a moment to feel a feeling for ones I love.
Have I ever asked for anything in return?
Just a small token of pleasure from all of my hard work

True I am a person with little insight as to the ways in which I react
However, I have been crying in misery over my troublesome actions and marred reputation for those who have been my constant companions have given loving support but not to intentionally deaf ears for unbeknownst to them lies a depressive state that cannot be turned off by self-will thus leaving myself to be misunderstood.
The turmoil that overtakes my body brings me to my knees crying to God for his healing powers in which he makes promise.

In my infantile days, my loneliness enveloped my soul since friend were scarce and never my own. I was always a third-wheel for my sibling; the pestering kind that never brought her relief. Each place she goes, each thing that she did had to be done in a two-some causing contentions but never spoken.  

This roller coaster that I am on never ends it goes round and round like a loose train hoping that survival will be possible and then control is taken over by the creator illuminating the way of escape giving counsel and guidance and a clear path in which through his powers and holy spirit makes all things possible.  The train slowed down, my pounding heart has been comforted by his assurance that he will always make the way for those who trust in him.  

My imperfect mind often forgets this and a self-reliant being comes to the fore always trying to dominate my character with unfathomable strength no human alone can defeat.
the scriptures say, "Man has dominated man to his injury" Oh how true but I am often told that injurious person is you. Always able to console and aid another individual but do I heed my own advice, not in the slightest for turmoil and fear is the victor; And therefore, therefore those words that are etched through my mind causes damage to my rationale and that inner voice that beckons to form words swiftly becomes swiftly becomes words that are unspeakable.