Vermillion Thoughts

My life has always been fixed on the preconceived notion
I can not be weak
With eyes stapled wide open I watched as my fears feasted on my mind
This happens all the time

It's a minute slip from bad to worse
Inky tendrils of poisoned thought creep stealthy to my ears
'You're not good enough'
Your hands are too shaky to fend a blow
Your voice too soft when I crack down on you like thunder
I'll paint your mind black and blue to keep your body looking pure
Yours is a face in a crowd of millions
They look down on you
You disappoint
Oh what an embarrassment, look at your face burn!
It starts as a soft pinprick
One thought to start them all 
Then it's an avalanche and I'm beneath it all
There's another body in the bed
Or is it hiding under?
Is it the person that I was
Or is it who I truly am?
Vermilion is the color of my head
In school they'd make jokes about painting the walls red
I always flinched
When I beat depression I thought it was a cold case the file closed
They didn't tell me I'd feel like a head case
Or like I'd lost a part of my soul
Danger days gone
Dark hearts worn under colored sleeves
It's the head where the darkness really breaths
The weakest link is the mind that built the fence
But mine has built walls
'You are weak'
And just like that the wall I tore down last week is up again 
I fear that I am weak 
My mind whispers it to make it true 
Do your demons come from you like mine do?