Vulnerable

No...
I don't miss the cycle of lies, the reality where for your ego masturbation , I had to always pay an expensive price 
For every time I wanted to bring a smile on your face , or motivation to your being , to your spirit
My sense of self was slowly ripped off , and eventually lost it
As I was left , vulnerable , a living human shell , tried to crawl the best I could , with my pain , many to tell, few that could really understand 
Detached from everything , afraid to connect with anyone , struggled to a point of living in this body,  not knowing who I was
I prevailed , I started coping again with basic interactions 
Maybe it wasn't at my full potential but at least were baby step actions
Until again , you pressed in the wound that had yet to heal 
I allowed you to do so from compassion , love or maybe I was still naive
And I'm back to the similar point 
Struggling again to find peace 
I still don't hate , I understand , I forgive ???????????
Yess..
What I do miss is the joyful little girl passionate about living
Not afraid to meet people , generous on giving
That innocent laugh and open heart, ready to embrace the world with open arms
Believing goodness exists also in the evil, but with healthy boundaries to protect her freedom
So here lies , rests, the vulnerability of a woman , 
Pushed down, rejected , played and devalued
But alive ready to heal again and come back thrice as wiser,  full of faith
Since the softness of a woman is  the only strength, a man will ever have