To Wake Up

To walk as any other day

browse among the berry canes

sift my fingers through the soil

walk bare footed on soft, cool grass

'hale the lilacs and cherry blossoms

admiring only pain and torment.

There is no beauty within me

clouds so dark and threatening

turbulence, upheaval, strife

the agony of living, desire for dying

I smell the lilacs, that's nice,

I state but cannot feel

the beauty all around me.

I dream of a time, even an instant

when I can walk, yes as any other day

but unfettered, unleashed from pain

from memories constantly relived

severed from source and allowed to grow

to inhale fragrances, discern flavors

to be the embodiment of beauty.