the wall i bang my head upon repeatedly .

18 months ago,
while laying in pieces of my tormented heart,
I promised myself i would never fall that hard again,
i rebuilt my life,
escaped the misery that confined everything within me,
Upon a breakdown i was free,
I picked up my own pieces and my children,
Walking towards life in new light,
I never thought i would love someone again with all my might,
I guess as they say love casts you blind,
Around my heart and soul he surly did bind,
Way to much conflict,
Two hearts of equal love
Destroyed that chance from the point of go,
There are no red lights in love you know,
Nor a pause, rewind, or slow motion,
So the tale of the happy ending was destroyed,
Because im an emotional person,
Not a toy,
I wish i could just give my heart away,
It's not something to mess with,
Demolition within its way,
The life I've walked though up till this day,
My heart was the cause to love in such a way,
Broken and lonely day to day,
I run at the thoughts and words you say,
It's my defense against the past,
A love like that can never last,
It's not my choice to stand and be strong,
It is my choice to revive and move on,
To find some comfort where i truly belong,
Never in question or blamed to be wrong,
My life i shall sing in warm loving song,
I can not handle the broken hearted replays ,
I need to feel loved not thrown away,
No understanding do you clearly have on my life,
how it felt to be the invisible wife,
While other ladies made him smile,
I'm not some broken emo child,
I'm a woman who deserves respect,
Not broken promises or neglect,
All i did was love you in retrospect ,
I tried so hard to stay,
But like i said ,
within my tears,
just the other day,
You are the wall of love
i repeatedly bang my head upon ,
How bad this messy love has gone .