Wastes of Time

You messed me up when you left.
You were my anchor, you kept everything in place.
You’ve been gone a while now but
my head is still spinning
and I don’t know how to deal with this
endless aching, I don’t want to care anymore.

You messed me up when you were here.
Little white lies dancing uncontrollably, trembling out of your
poisoned mouth.
You passed all your bad traits to me, making me as sad as you were.
I hated it but you made me who I am.
And I despise myself.

Since you left forever I began to
mess people up just like you did.
I hope you’re proud.
Now I lie and I hurt people, just because I can.
Just because you wanted me to
And I made it so easy.

You used me.
Deception and years of torment
hidden behind a shy smile and soft eyes.
I was a game and I allowed you to perfect your strategies.
Played. Over and over again. You always win.
And I let it all happen, nobody’s fault but mine.