What do you see when you look upon me

17/05/2021
What do you see,
When you look upon me?

What do you see,
When you look upon me?
A smile,
Laughter or maybe happiness.
If it wasn’t for my gait,
You’d think there would be nothing wrong with thee.
Not that I’ve lived 21 years,
Ill  terminally .
Most don’t realise I’m seriously terminally ill,
I’ve already nearly a third of each lung removed,
And how it hurts to breathe internally.
Or how my back’s falling apart,
Degeneratively...
Well not just my back,
My whole body generally.
I’ve been told in the past,
Only 6 weeks on this earth I’ll last,
Then 2 to 3 weeks,
Yet I’ve defied the odds continually.
That was way back in 2005,
Just after my last chemo blast.
Even being told I’d lost my seed of fertility.
How wrong they got it all,
As I’ve now got 3 gorgeous kids and it’s 2021,
Still I last,
And still this earths air I breathe.
Nothing in life comes easily,
Well,
When you’ve the life of ‘me’.

So here’s how I live life fully,
From yours truly,
Mr J.B...

Everyday is a challenge,
One great big obstacle course.
Not just for I,
But for my kids,
All three.
Each one of them,
I love to the highest degree.
You can’t see my disability,
It’s all hidden from the naked eye,
On or in my bones,
Under my skin.
Literally just underneath.
Breathing’s a bit of a problem though,
Seeing as I’ve got it my lungs
Spread metastatically.
I’ve now spent 21 years of life,
Fending off my cancerous disease.
21 years of what should have been turmoil,
Yet I’ve made the best out of what live gives.
Always smiling and not giving in.
My love for my kids,
My partner, her kids and all my family,
It only ever grows.
I can’t explain how grateful I am,
Just to see you all happy.
I cherish every living moment,
Capturing visons,
 Contemporary.
All of which are my favourite type of company.
The kind and loving sort,
Of conjoined friends and our families.
You’ve all given me will power and belief,
To bring my Cancer to its knees.
Just bear with me for at least 50 years more,
Then at least I can hopefully die painlessly,
Deep within my sleep!

So next time you look at me,
Or others like me,
Just remember
That some illnesses can’t Be heard or even seen.
Inside Is the only place it’s been.
Living a never-ending  nightmare,
Most definitely not an eternal dream.
Living each day looking over your shoulder,
Living in limbo,
Fearing the beep of a life support machine!
Now do you see the hidden predicament I’m in!