What is this

All started with a smile
she was cool, a flower child
me I wasn’t the tame one,
more the insane one. 
She was more Sarah
but far from a plain one. 
To fuck this up would be suicide,
a crazy, deranged one.
I ain’t suicidal,
but I was ready to fall.
she something so different 
I really mean no words at all.
She would rather FaceTime 
never a normal call.
Everything was so good
i couldn’t loose at all. 
What is this…..
heart beating fast, body hot
i feel like ima pass out. 
Pain yelling from my body 
but it’s stuck and won’t come out.
head spinning,
I swear I’m confused. 
Looking for my phone,
to tell her the news.
“Where’s her number, our pictures and all our conversations? The laughs, the cries and all those situations. Where is she…..”
I looked in the mirror
“they were hallucinations?
All those feelings, how she smelt,
the different things she be saying?”
realizing the events at hand
i curl into a corner of the bed
still living as a lonely man,
Some people are suicidal
im starting to understand. 

What is this

-Juone