What's normal?

As I sit here alone on my worn single bed, all sorts of problems taking over my head
I ask myself some questions but no answers to go with
Like what reason's are there for me to carry on and live
An addict a smoker, my healths in a state
And I can honestly say I have only one real true mate
Dont talk to my mom and don't have a dad but thats not half the reason why I am sad
To depend on a drug for years now I'm hooked 
Always seem to press the button that says "here to self destruct"
There are time's I stop and realise im all on my own 
No true friends or mom, just drugs and me in my hostel shared home.
No ambition, prospects, dreams or drive 
So back to the question why am I alive?? 
Then there comes a day determined to stop doing the same old shit 
But before i know it I'm back having a a hit
I know there's a saying treat everyday as you're last
But for me life's not fun just more of a task
Boring same shit just a different shit day
Getting deeper in debt and can't afford to pay 
Doing things I never imagined I ever would do
Miss treating my body till I'm all black and blue
Getting in trouble, another night in a cold lonely cell
Wanting to die but whats the point as im already in hell
Lifes what you make it people have said 
But how to do anything with no motive to want to get out of bed
Out of all us grankids im the one who disappoints 
No interest in schooling just sparking the joints
Need to get some structure something to do in the day
Instead of just sleeping my life all away
I ask myself over what the meaning of normal is 
So many unanswered questions building up over the years 
I can't imagine my future on which my life has changed
21 and single to me is more than strange 
You see drugs are more important number 1 top of my list
But there are times I longed to be loved, hugged and kissed
Running out of options falling deeper everyday
I really need a miracle so to god I sit and pray......
    Dear Lord I really need you're help
    You need to make me see 
    That no one else can change my life
    Not you just only me!
Little sisters you're ment to set an example too
Instead you start to worry and hope they haven't forgotten you
How sad the fact my favourite things is sleeping, drugs and crime 
But in the end I do get caught but ent prepared to do the time
There's got to be more thing's in life than only this 
Cuz at the moment doing the same old shit does more than take the piss 
Not taking care of important thing's that I really should of done
If i don't fix them soon I'll give up and the devil will have won
Time to stand up tall get a grip and some control 
Need to start all over again new mind new body new soul.