When Did Sex Become So Dangerous

I was flicking the channel of TV
Shocked, I became in need of an IV
Eyes were twirling, white lava was shooting
Bewildered, I dialed the phone complaining 
I would like to take out a policy
For sexual contact in my privacy
My agent said life was prolonged in such

I was looking for any sign of life
Divorced twice and I thought it was for strife
I'll ware a helmet at my next viewing
Despite all my policy pursuing
For sexual contact in my privacy
Will no longer be for emergency
My agent is always Thoreau  with me