When I looked out my window this morning...

I awoke this morning in a state of confused bliss

caught between a hazy dream and the reality of  my body in a single bed placed in an unfinished bedroom with walls that aren't plastered and the invasion of dust on my dressing table

The window was showered with raindrops that glittered in the seven am morning sunshine, like an angel had thrown sequin confetti in my bedroom to wake me up 

it had been raining although it had ceased only recently enough that  the road outside was still damp with Mildew... I have never seen nature look so fresh.

And there was something so beautiful in that moment, where the possibilities were infinite and the opportunities seemed so vast, I felt small and ignorant amongst them

I couldn't draw myself away from the view, It was like everything lead up to that moment of aesthetic beauty. Rain is a chore and school is a bore but without them I would not have seen it. In any other light it may have just been a road damaged by the aftermath of stormy weather and harsh winds; in spite of this I felt privileged.

Transcendent. I still had to plan my outfit and remember to take my tablet but none of that seemed to matter. It was like hearing of Princess Diana.  Frozen. And it hurt to drag myself away, sacrifice the safety and warmth of my duvet and subject myself to the mess that is my life. But I got up anyway. I felt cold and uneasy with an anxious throb where my stomach is. I got dressed. Washed. Put on my make up. And drove my car to school. Because that is what is expected of me. But not all those who  exit are alive .