"When the mountain is me" By Ben Goode 2019 (c)

I feel like I've been abandoned.

Eating away all my fears and worries in comfort food.

But there is no real comfort. Only momentarily.

And I slip back into that place of overthinking.

I had done so well, and gotten so far. 

But now back at the bottom of the mountain I thought I had conquered.

And I have forgotten when I had fallen. 
But the scales never lie.
And I knew full well they wouldn't.

Perhaps I had only dreamed I had reached where I had.

But I have forgotten when I slept. 

There is nobody to help me climb again.

But I have forgotten when there was company.

I think perhaps that the mountain is not mine to climb.

But I have forgotten when I ever owned a moment.

The jagged rocks mock me. And I don't know where to start again.

I walk back further to see the peak of the mountain above.

It seems like heaven somehow, and I am condemned to hell.

What good deeds must I do to reach it, or have I done enough?

What have I done for myself?  
What have I done to myself?
What can I do?
When the mountain is me?