Poem -

Where’s my prize?

Where’s my prize?

Looking back and all I see 
are the mistakes that we made, both you and me.
Looking forward visibility is low,     I’m making progress but it’s really slow.
There was no open communication, 
Just angry and hurtful reiterations.
The same blame game it’s all on me, you couldn’t take responsibility.
So we spilt, two hearts shattered and now we’re both sorry but it doesn’t matter. 
Because resentment is an evil bitch
and those words you said still make me flinch.
You say I should have done more, ultimatums, tantrums, slamming doors. 
But no matter how I tried to open your eyes you just told yourself a bunch of lies.
The only coping skills you knew,
were deflecting blame and numbing brew.
Finally alone with your thoughts you become aware of your patterns and things I told you start to matter.
Now you reach out to let me know, you’ve changed with some proof to show.
You’re learning so much about yourself and how, your past experiences influence your relationships now.
You want to be different and have it all, you have so much hope you’ll never fall. 
Good for you, I’m so relieved you can finally see the same fucked up behaviors you had as me. 
And as much as I’m glad you finally listened, I can’t help but feel that my prize is missing. 
I should be able to benefit from these changes I inspired, 
instead I’ll move on extremely tired of always being the lost lover that inspires a guy like you to change to be better for another. 

 

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