Who Am I

Who am I 
I asked myself, cause I didn’t even knew. 
Am I the girl I really used to know? 
Cause I don’t recognize her anymore 

Who am I 
I asked myself, 
trying to figure this one out.
When did she got lost and 
will she return somehow?

Who am  i 
I asked the world and they told me who I am. I’m just a nobody, 
a somebody, 
don’t try to be a body

I’m just my mistakes, 
I’m just the rumors going around, 
I’m just a sinner, 
I’m just a clinger and 
I never change in fact 

My mom thinks I’m great 
My friends thinks I’m abstent 
My therapist say I’m a mess
Child support say I’m chaotic 
My bank account: I’m broke
And I think they couldn’t be more wrong

I’m not great - cause He is greater
I’m not abstent - cause He is present 
I’m not a mess - cause I’m loved
I’m not chaotic - cause I came home
I’m not broke - cause money can’t buy happiness no matter what life throws 

So I ask myself again
Who am I really? 
And where can I find answers with true meaning?
Does it come from who I believe myself to be or from who I want to become? 
Does is come from thoughts of accomplishments or from who I believe my heart to be despite the choices I’ve made in life? 

The truth is I don’t know, 
But I really wished I knew
So now I have to find out 
This is the road I am on now

I’m weak 
I’m fragile 
And sometimes my worst enemy 
I’m stubborn 
I’m direct 
And getting easily distracted 
I’m clumsy 
I’m grumpy 
Sometimes overwhelmed 
My feelings is like a carousel 
Round and round they go
High and low
But even so
God is in control 

I easily over share 
And regret it the next day 
I have highly expectations to others 
hide or run, ignore or block when they don’t add up
And I always seem to forget that we’re only humans with no luck 

I know I have to change 
I know it’s time 
But that’s easier said than done 
And change doesn’t happened over night 

It takes time to change 
Time to unlearn what you’ve been thought 
It’s hard to reveal the lies that you believed in for so long 
It’s hard to break the pattern 
And discovering you need more
It’s hard to go against all odds 
And trusting new hopes 

It’s hard to start over 
Leave everything behind 
But in order for something to be reborn 
Something old has to go

My spirit is working against my thoughts 
Telling me a death is on its way 
While my mind fights harder to avoid that astay
It’s hard to go into the wilderness 
Unsurten of what to except 
But in order to not repeat the cycle 
I’m stepping out
Out into the unknown 
Fully aware it’s a trustfall 
On the other side of that rabbit hole

But I do not fear
Cause He already knew I would accept
He made a path, cleared the way 
So I don’t need to be scared to go all the way 
I will not face the challenges on my own 
It’s this darkness before the dawn 
My every step Is necessary, 
Yeah even the bad ones 
He will teach me what I need to know
Cause He wouldn’t brought me this far to back out now  

When I feel I’m failing 
I’m just simply learning 
I needed to accept that I will never be without flaws 
I needed to accept that I will never be a god. 
I will never be perfect, I will always make mistakes and that hurtful truth 
Just made me feel safe. 

I am a sinner  
And will always be
So I have to accept that fact deeply
I will never be enough for society 
I will never be enough for somebody 
But I’m patiently learning to be enough for me
And the truth is I am more than enough for the one who created me

He sees my heart 
Meet me in my mess
He knows before I open my mouth 
But he wants to listen to my stress 
To my burdens 
My insecurities 
To my fear
And my shame
He answers when I’m real 
He don’t when I pretend 

He don’t expect me to get it right each time
All he wants is that I try and try
And when I don’t give up in the face of fear
I’ll be surprised that nothing can interfere
The self love journey to accomplish awakening
Now Why would you do this? I ask him one night 
It’s because it doesn’t dependent on what you’re done 
It depends on who I am as your God

I will show you how to live for the process and not for the moment 
How to be equipped instead of living for experiences
I will introduce you to the real you
You’re already in there but my love will reveal your true identity 
My love will free you from what depresses your heart, 
Your mind 
and soul 
Together we will be unstoppable