Poem -

Why.

Why.

Why?
Why do I feel this pain?
My left arm numb when I get sad.
Right hand shakes.
Eyes sting and heart drop.
Throat tight and breath hitching.
Why?
Why does my mind think these cruel thoughts?
That I’m worth nothing. I’m useless.
My heart drops when I think of you not being by my side.
What if you leave? 
What if you stop loving me?
I know it’s not true but I can’t help but hurt myself by thinking about it. 
Why?
Why does my heart beat so fast yet so slow?
It goes from the speed of a race car.
Chest rising and falling rapidly.
Breath heavy and loud.
Go to barely beating. Goes as slow as a snail.
Chest burning.
Gasping for air. 
Heart dropping and losing life. 
Why?
Why do I want to die so desperately, but also live my life to the fullest?
I make my wrists bleed and Sting.
Want a gun to my head.
Or maybe cool water surrounding and drowning my useless body.
But I also want to live.
I want to have a life.
A life with you. 
I want to smile and dance and cook and have a family with you.
But I’m also scared of being hurt if I keep living.
Why?why, why, why?!
I just want to understand myself. I’m always so confused. I want to be happy as much as I can. And I hate that my brain always ruins it.
I wish I could shut my brain off and not think. But then again if I shut it off then I can’t think of you. The thought of you always brightens my mood. 
Why did life have to do this to me...give me all this pain...but then again….life gave me you-so I guess it doesn’t hate me as much as I thought I did.
 

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Comments

author
The fish of the sea

An answer to it all...I think everyone is searching for it one way or another. A heavily resonating write Jade. Long time no see!

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author
Jade Perreault

Thank you! I’m sure your right. Also it’s nice to be back. I had to take some time to myself and didn’t have any motivation to write nor post my writing. It’s nice to share my poems again and continue to write again:)

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