Why am i lain here awake

(Spoken word)
Why am I lain here awake?....

Why am I lain here awake,
Gripped by the news I got today, I quake.
Why did I make this mistake,
Why did I make such a soul-crushing mistake?
I wish the news was fake,
But it is my cruel fate, for my own sake.
Twisted and decrepit, my cancer's on the plate,
No forks, only knives, as doctors infiltrate.
Catching it by surprise, hoping not to be late.

I've got to make it till forty,
With thirty-nine years on the slate,
But age, what does it matter?
Life's about the memories we make,
The ones that stick out, the ones that are great.
As I look back on my memories, and the part I partake,
The bad ones start creeping in, leaping at a higher rate.
Dragging up cursed times, scraping with a rake.

Again, I ask you, as I lay here awake,
Why am I lain here, trembling in this state?
The shadows of illness, like demons, invade,
Twisting my thoughts, memories start to fade.
Each dark moment, they cruelly retrace,
Haunting my mind, in this shadowy chase.