Winter

 I liked winter nights we spent

 huddled on your back patio,

giggling at the rush of three AM.

 After you sucked in the smoke,

I took it upon myself to inhale as much

as I could.

Maybe to think I was inhaling you.

 Your eyes would carry themselves

 across our dim town,

 but they would sparkle.

I think I admired you because you'd sparkle, too.

The back porch was a place that was

yours.

You showed me your tears and your cuts.

You showed me you trusted me, but I think for awhile,

you'd trust anyone.

 Every time your name pops

up on my phone with a smiley face emoji

next to it, I wonder if I should change it to the frown

I see when you drop your guard for a millisecond.

 I used to hate not knowing why

you'd take a knife to your thighs, but

now that I know, I hate it

because I don't know how to help.

 The snow is melting now,

and I haven't been over in awhile and

I'm wondering if Spring will bring a genuine smile

to your face, or if it's just another cover up

for the snow.

for your pain.