Woman in the Mirror

Keep it to yourself I say.
Do not show your unease.
Even though he made me feel dizzy.
when he came near me.
I could see his eyes and white teeth.
The lips that were so kissable.
The hands I wanted to hold.
I am disgusted with myself.
To be so weak.
I cannot follow him every day.
I cannot exist just to watch him unnoticed.
What life for me?
To be so sadly cast as the pathetic girl.
The one that could only watch from behind windows.
Not stand in the sun and bask in his gaze.
If onlY I was pretty.
If only I was smarter.
If only I was brave.
I would win him with my smile and speech.
I would woo him with my sensuality.
It would be obscene to be me.
If I could just be someone else for a day.
But then what good would it do to know
That I had to become someone else to get him.
That what and who I truly am is not good enough..
OR what he wanted.
Suddenly this is no longer idle wonder.
It is serious to understand my heart's desire.
That truly....
I just want myself to change..
and be all the things...
I thought would be someone else..
For as surely as I dream.
I can become... 
My own heart's desire.. and 
do better ... and be 
what I am destined to be...
myself.