Wonder when?

Past few days it has seemed
I am on a constant climb of stairs;
Stairs which lose themselves
Now into utter darkness
Now into blinding light.
I am moving up an illusion-
I keep climbing up when
They keep winding down.
Wonder when would I reach the top,
What would be there at the top?
Is there even a top?
Legs piston and feet paddle walk
Like some machine,
Neither running on thought
Nor in control of any feeling.
A numbness has begun to seep in,
An ennui has begun to creep up,
Of this emotionless constancy;
This blind mechanical climb.
Wonder if ever I’ll arrive?

Wonder when?