You

Young and fifteen. 

 

My life was just beginning. 

 

You walked into my life and caught me completely off guard. 

 

The day where you stood laughing at the fact that I had dropped soda down the cast holding your broken leg in place. 

 

The days we'd Fleet the school gates and hide away at the beach. Sharing our secret thoughts and plans. 

 

You were my best friend.
You made my heart beat.
You were new, and you were the feeling of the first inhaling of a lit cigarette.
The first sip of morning coffee.
The morning sunshine breaking through the slightly agape blinds of your bedroom window. 

 

My bestfriend. 

 

Two months down the line, you became more. You became the feeling I had never felt before. 

Love.

You weren't a mother's love. A siblings love. A grandparent or a friends love. She was the love we all secretly crave. You was the love only a few of us are lucky to find. 

 

Our first kiss- was my first 

Two houses away from your front porch. By the gates of that creepy old church. The one that had spiky thorns and sticky due seeping through the gates of its prison. 

 

Our first sleep over.

I remember you made me stay outside until you had cleaned your room. You  had placed all of your  junk and dirty washing into your wardrobes. Under the bed. First impressions were important. We were new and it was beautiful. You where beautiful. 

 

Our first touch, was my first.

Laid on your bed, you saw me the way nobody ever had before. I laid naked for you, not only physically but emotionally too. 

 

'I love you' 

 

We had practice with those words while being claimed as 'bestfriends' but now? Now it felt new. It was ours to hold. 'Forever...'

 

Our first fight.... 

 

'Shes just a friend. I dont like her like that.' were the words you had used to trape me back when all I wanted was to be let free. 

 

The secret messages with your 'friend' 

 

The holiday She had been invited on by your parents. The half naked pictures she sent. 'Does this bakni show to much skin?' How could I have been so blind as to believe that when you told me 'stop being paranoid. You're the only one.'? 

 

Everybody told me what you were. What you were doing to me.

I didn't listen to them though, and you made it so easy. 

 

We babysat for your 'friend' while she took her husband out for a date. Her young children We cradled together, before we fell asleep watching movies on her couch. Only to when I wake up, find her laying inbetween us, with Her lips on yours. 

 

But I stayed.

I stayed because you were my first love. 

 

Fours years of emotional abuse.

Four years of you accusing me of being unfaithful, when all I had to do was unlock your phone to find all of those lies you told me. 

 

How can you love me, and kiss another? 

 

How can you touch me, while picturing somebody else? 

 

Four years of being driven away from my family for you. 

I followed you, and you strung me along like a pupit. 

 

21 and young....

 

my life has just began. 

 

It has been over a year now since you permanently stated your claim that 'you needed a break'

i still get those occasional 'I miss you' text messages.

You know, the ones you send when your new girlfriend isn't giving you what i did. It gives me great joy to watch you crave something you'll never get again.

Because you'll never get me again.

I know my worth now. 

 

All I have are two words. 

 

Thank. You. 

 

Thankyou for setting me free. Thankyou for letting me find my true love. 

 

Me. 

 

I me alot more when I am without you. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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