You Didn't Win

*This was the first poem I wrote hinting at my past. It is just something I need to post as part of the healing process .It might be triggering for victims of childhood abuse, although it's not graphic, there is a mild reference to SRA(satanic ritual abuse)

Pitter patter little feet
I'm running for the life of me
I wish I may I wish I might
Somehow make it through this night

My jaw aches, my shoulder is sore
My heart breaks, can I take anymore?
Lungs are pained, my breathing strained
What cost me dearly was your personal gain

Good is now bad and friend is now foe
So much betrayal at the pretty lake shore
“Yes sir, No sir, Thank you, Please”
Polite society brought me to my knees

I didn’t know then what I’m knowing now
Courage is not a badge you put on somehow
Like the hood and cloak you so cowardly wore
My little heart was bigger than yours

But the predator preys on the children at play
And together on Sunday we both sing God’s praise

My throat is in shreds from tears unshed
Thirty years of hearing “One peep and your dead!”
“You’ll never escape us You’ll never escape”
You whispered as you came and I went

But my wenting is gone and your coming is spent
I’m back with the vengeance you graciously lent
It’s my time to come and your time to fall
I’m mad as hell with my reckoning ball

Careful! Beware of my full mind
I know it’s about to completely rewind
I buried it long I buried it deep
Cross my heart my soul to keep

Cross my heart and hope to die
I believed your pathetic twisted lies
But lie you did and lie you do
Too much for words to ever undo

BUT

Vengeance is not mine, there’s no way to repay
The treacherous things done to me that day
For what sharing does lightness have with dark
Or daisy chain girls with men who stalk?

SO

I bide my time and hold my breath
And quietly mourn my childhood death
Morning will come the darkness will go
Remember God says you’ll reap what you sow

So long, so long, kings of pain
It’s over for you and it’s my turn to reign
As you wither away in your own disease
I will live in sunshine and peace