Since you left me baby.

Since youl left me baby
I drink too much
I dont eat enough
I hardly sleep at all
my phone in my hand
I write long sad text to you
and never hit send.
It keeps my shaking hands busy.
looking at my ceiling
its like a movie screeen
I play videos of the other us.
who did  not fight drink wine
and hurl insults like grenades.
theres you serene and beautiful
me with a neat haircut
Hey I am holding our baby.
it fades and just the noise 
from a police car siren screams
in the inner city street.
I light a cigarette.
the smoke cools my mood.
I am empty and desolate
I want to pray to a god
to turm me into the dude in the 
ceiling video.
but he doesent hear me.
in the morning
I look into the mirror
over the bathroom sink.
I want to blame you
For the delipadeted wreck
that stares back at me
look at that he has tears 
Streaming down his face.
I cant blame you 
as hard as I try.
It was my fault.
only mine.
Mea culpa....Mea maxima culpa

myfault..my most grievous fault