Poem -

You're Ignorant

You're Ignorant

I am a very understanding person.
I get it. This is America.
We have the freedom of having an opinion,
And the freedom to express our opinions.
But you're just being ignorant
When you say:
"Omg my mom is soo bipolar"
Or
"I don't think depression or anxiety or addiction
Is really a disease."
In a way I guess you're right,
Because being moody isn't a disease.
And being shy isn't a disease.
And being sad with a reason isn't a disease.
But Don't tell me this isn't a disease,
When I can feel my heart pumping,
And the blood flowing through my veins,
And it burns like acid.
I am melting from the inside out
And I guess my lungs are filled with smoke
Because I forget how to breathe.
Don't tell me to just relax.
Don't tell me this isn't a disease,
When I never know
If I won't be able to wake up for the next 12 hours
Or sit in bed not moving for 3 counting sheep
Or if I'll have to force myself to eat
Because my appetite has left me
Or if I'll eat so much I'llย  throw up
Only to be hungry again.
Don't tell me to just take it slow.
Don't tell me this isn't a disease,
When I lose the notion of time
And I lose control over my body
To the point where I am no longer in it,
And I can see myself,
Like I'm watching a character
In a scary movie.
Don't tell me to just snap out of it.
Don't tell me this isn't a disease,
When the world turns dull
Literally dull
Like there's ash falling from the sky
And everything is a hue of its original color.
Don't tell me to just look on the bright side.
Don't tell me this isn't a disease,
When I can't leave the house
Unless I've had hours in advance
Preparing myself mentallyn
And having a plan for everything that could go wrong
Only to not leave the house anyway.
Because my disease doesn't show
Symptoms that are tangible,
You don't think it's real.
But it's real.
And nobody really understands that.
You wouldn't ask me to run mile in gym class
If I was missing a leg.
You wouldn't ask me to write a 5 page essay
If I didn't have a basic understanding of the English language.
So don't ask me to be at school everyday
When half the time I'm absent because
I'm not sure if today is the day
I end it all. ย  ย  ย  ย  Attendanceย doesn't matter when you plan on being dead.
Don't ask me to keep up with homework,
When in order to function properly I need 10 hours of sleep, 1 of exercise, 2ย  spent on eating and preparing healthy meals, 3 on personal hygiene and appearance, 2 on relaxation, and withย  8 hours spent at school.
That's 26 hours I need for the bare minimum.
And you're also asking me to get a job? Participate in clubs? Have a social life?
Don't tell me I'm not trying hard enough,
When I've been on medication for the past 6 years of my life.
I've been so drugged out that
At this point I don't know
If my personality is a symptom of my disorder
Or a side effect of anti psychotics.
I don't think you understand what it's like,
Until It's the 4th time you wake up hooked to ivs and heart monitors,
And your mom crying at your bedside
Asking why.
I don't think you understand what it's like
Until why is not the right question to ask
But rather why not.

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