A possible Schizophrenic thought: Am I cursed or blessed?

What draws the line between anxiety, depression, and so on?
A simple question with so much grey area. Maybe just labels, perhaps.

Do I just posses high amounts of anxiety or is it something more?

What am I anxious about exactly?

Perception: it terrifies me.
Not because I care about what other people think. It's not that- even though it would be a more simplistic answer; a response that would make me seem less crazy. It's the various versions of perception that seem to haunt me when my mind wonders -which is all too often. It's the unexplainable ability to see from every perspective and possible viewpoint. It's to the point where I feel overwhelmed and terrified to admit what's on my mind so instead of speaking my thoughts to my friends, family, or coworkers I tell them of only seemingly small things that might bother another person. I run through the sad feelings I've experienced in my life and point the blame on something else instead of the one thing that's tearing me apart. 

My mind terrifies me. I lean into sadness like I would a blanket on a chilly night. I don't know why. I slip into personalities all of sorts and I see the pros and cons to each. I run through different ways of thinking about things... trying them on like clothes. 
I want to pick one, but I'm scared of making the wrong choice. I'm scared of being happy because of how fleeting everything is. I know it's not worth it, but being in the state of mind I'm in... It's like an addiction. I want to get out of it. I want to wake up. My sense of reality is hazy and I can't concentrate. I can't appreciate what's around me. I need to find myself before it's too late. 

I need to escape... to close the doors in my mind. 

I need to stop confusing myself between my thoughts and feelings and someone else's. I need to pick a viewpoint instead of exploring all of them. I need to close the doors in my mind and lean into the unknown... to let go... but how?

​And I sit here and wonder if other people struggle with these thoughts... 
Do you hate yourself knowing you're causing your own pain?