A Wayward Confession

I have sat and contemplated this existence of mine, of ours, for so long, that I have come frighteningly close to the loss of my own 'sanity'. The abyss of insight into what is and what is not, is enough to drive the mind of the thinker to a state of complete and utter staggering seizure. But in lieu of this, I have not been able to refrain from this journey, this relentless search for some phantom certainty, pertaining to the All. I have never been able to just accept what was fed to me by society and by the written word of Man. I doubt that I ever could.

I have searched the expanses (or rather the confines) of the English language for a means of expression for that which cannot be expressed; to convey that which is in possession of such a profound abstraction, that no words could ever hope to neatly package the ideas for the sake of human understanding.

Many great philosophers have come close to this, but as far as I can tell, nobody ever really succeeds, and although their rhetoric may be inspiring and deeply motivational, the Great Abstract cannot be crammed into the finite spaces represented by words and linguistic utterances. Sound like I'm prattling? Let me try to explain.

So, you are a man, or a woman. You are encased in a body, like a driver in a vehicle. But, forget for one moment that you are in this body. Does the fact that you have what appears to be an individual body, imply that you too have an individual spirit? Alan Watts explains it quite accurately: "Trying to define yourself is like trying to bite your own teeth", and "The ego is nothing other than the focus of conscious attention", and "You and I are all as much continuous with the physical universe as a wave is continuous with the ocean".

Well, when this concept of spiritual oneness becomes and represents your instinctual and unwavering understanding of the universe, as much as a Christian's understanding of him/herself and the universe is represented by the crucifix or the Bible, things start to get tricky. Really tricky. And even more so when your experiences in the past have provided you with the simple truth that all that is, is one. And all that appears to not be, is merely situated on a side of the universe that cannot be seen with the naked eye. Once you have seen the limitless axis of duality upon which the universe rests, you cannot unsee it. It will never leave you alone. And if you do not stop yourself, you will fall headlong into the abyss that is the endless butterfly effect that we can only befriend and be at peace with if we stop thinking about it. This open door has led many to completely lose their minds, because they allowed themselves to become obsessed with the great divide. And I can appreciate why, I have toed that line myself, on more than one occasion. How does one explain it? How does one express it in such a way, that it no longer burdens its bearer? Can one ever return to a more simplified way of thinking/being after crossing this extremely definitive threshold? I think not. There is no way of turning one's back on the discovery, the vast unveiling of the truth of everything that one has ever known. I laugh cynically to myself when it occurs to me that human beings spend their entire lives searching for the aforementioned "phantom certainty", but when you find it, as many have, the discovery is the most shudderingly overwhelming duality of all, becomes apparent. And it brings with it the most potent bliss, as well as the most acute suffering, all in one swift brush.

I can already hear the vitriol and chastising commentary approaching for my written impudence, here. How dare I presume to think that I have it right and nobody else does? How dare I take what appears to be such an arrogant and aloof stance on what is supposed to be sacred wisdom, to which I should ideally be bowing down and loudly proclaiming my unworthiness? How dare I claim to know everything? How dare I belittle the views and thoughts and feelings of not only my entire species, but of divinity itself?

And then I hear myself answer: I do not think I am better nor worse than anyone. I am everyone, everyone is everyone else. I am only arrogant if you see yourself as anything less than divine, and you are divine in nature and are able to conceive the infinite, as I am, and as I do, so how could I be arrogant? If I am part of divinity and if divinity is part of me, what wisdom is there that could possibly be so sacred and outside of my sphere of deserving that it should elude me, when it exists within me and all things? If we are everything and everything is us, of what could we possibly be unworthy? I do not claim to know everything myself, but for absolutely every question that there is, ever was, and ever could be, there is/was/will be something or someone, on this plain of our existence or in another, that knows the precise answer to each question. And considering that I am everything and everyone, and everything and everyone is me, do I not, then, know everything? Don't you? I do not belittle anything, or anyone. How could I, when there is only one anything, one anyone, one All, which you and I both are part of? I cannot regard myself as higher or lower than you, and nor can you regard yourself as higher or lower than me, because that would be like your right shoulder unilaterally regarding itself as better or worse than your left shoulder, in utter ignorance of the fact that both of your shoulders are connected by way of a collarbone, among other things. I am not above anyone, or anything. I am part of you as much as you are part of me. I am the part of the All that sees things one way, and you are the part of the all that sees it another way. Again, as simple and as complicated as this. Do you see the duality?

I don't know if I managed to convey anything here. I don't feel as if I have expressed anything. For every successful expression, there are a billion new concepts formed of such an indescribable nature, that this pursuit of mine will never end. Ever. This note was an attempt, but a failed one at that. Or was it? Maybe its success should not depend on only that one condition, but rather on all conditions?

I may very well be labeled a madman or a fool or an outright asshole for my views here, but this is my opinion. My view. And as has been explicitly repeated numerous times in this weird little article, it does not belittle nor look down upon the views and opinions of others, it merely understands that all of those views and opinions are part of it as a greater All.

"Love thy neighbour as thou dost love thine own self."

"There is only one God."

"The Kingdom of God is within you and all around you, not in a church of wood and stone."

These are miniscule drops in the ocean of a greater truth. I have done the math, and I keep doing a little more every day...in fact, we all do, we just are not always aware of it.

Once again, just my opinion.