And the truth shall set you free

Stacys arms wrapped tighter around herself, keeping her eyes firmly towards the kitchen window, her face void of emotion, the knot she felt in her stomach ignored for now, the tears that tried so hard to flow, controled. The sound of the kettle boiling the only one Stacy focused on. Jims movements upstairs blocked out, "just go numb, dont give into emotions" this thought going around and around Stacys head. Stacy only noticed she had been rocking backwards and forwards, slowy and in time with the sound of Jims footsteps walking down the stairs, towards the kitchen, when she stopped, suddenly. As if someone had cast a spell on her and turned her to stone. Stacy sat, emotionless, not making eye contact with Jim. He stood now in the doorway, his tall figure seemed to tower over everything in the room, "So" Jim said with anger in his voice, waiting on Stacy to reply. She did nt, but got up and moved very slowly, almost ghost like towards the kettle that had now boiled. "Coffee"? was all she said. Taking the cups from the kitchen press and placing them gently on the table, she waited, waited for Jim to say something, anything, some sign of fight in him for their marriage, for the life they had shared for the last ten years, some sign of love. Jim walked towards the back door a few feet from the kitchen table, dug his hands into his pockets and leaned his forhead against the glass in the door. As if speaking to the floor now he mutter "I am about to leave you, leave our marriage of ten years and all you can say is do i want coffee" he spoke slowly now, as if he was trying to make sense of what was happening. Stacy continued to make the coffee and place the two steaming hot cups on the table. She began to speak and asked that Jim only listen, listen until she was finished and when she did she wanted an answer, that answer would tell her all she wanted to know. Stacy sat by the table lifted the cup up slowly, inhaled the aroma of the freshly made coffee and took a mouthful. She did not wait for Jims reply to her request and began to talk. Do you remember the first time we saw each other, dont answer, i only ask that you go there in your minds eye. I remember it, I remember a tall handsome man who looked at me as if no other person existed in the world only me. A man who sat with me and wanted to know my interests my passions, who i was and where i was going. Do you remember how quickly time would pass when we sat in Aroma, the name of our coffee shop, the coffee shop where we first saw each other, the coffee shop where we would meet weekly. Do you remember how we laughed, how you would play with my hair, wrapping it around your finger, pulling me closer to sneak a kiss. I remember, I remember who we were, how i fell so hard for you, how each and every moment of my day was spent thinking of you, of how i could not wait until the next time we would meet. The first year pasted so quickly Jim, we went less and less to our favourite coffee shop and instead we would go to a concert, to dinner in a fancy hotel or lock ourselfs away in your apartment for the weekend. But I always loved our coffee shop, it was our specail place. The place you would find me when we would fight and I would leave in temper, the place where you asked me to marry you Jim. Remember that day? The rain and how you had asked the staff if you could light a candle on our table, Stacy laughed watched this day reply in her memory. You were never a flowers man Jim, but that day you presented me with the most wonderful bunch of sunflowers, remember Jim? Jim had walked to the chair the other side of the kitchen table and quictly sat, his hands wrapped around the warm coffee cup, the smell took him back to the days Stacy spoke of, Stacy did not make eye contact with Jim as she spoke, she look straight ahead as if she was looking at a screen playing the events of that time. Jim listened silently. Stacy continued her story, remember that night Jim, when you carried me all the way from the coffee shop to the bottom of the street, until your arms ached so much you could not carry me anymore, shouting at the top of your voice "She said yes" Stacy laughed again, a girly gentle laugh. We did nt notice the rain Jim, we did nt notice anything. We just knew we were in love. All we needed was each other. Stacy turned towards Jim now, her eyes full of tears she could no longer hold back "What happened to us Jim, where did it all go wrong, how did we get to this, to your bag packed in the hallway, to me feeling like you do not see me anymore, do not hear me anymore and questioning your love for me"?  Jims eyes looked towards the floor. Stacy continued, where did we lose each other Jim? I dont remember a day, a time, I just know it happened in the middle of having a baby, trying to keep everything going, working all the hours God send us. Look around you Jim, this kitchen, the paving in the garden, the leather couchs the t.vs. the computers, what does it all mean? Nothing it all means nothing. But we allowed things to get in our way, we allow it to rob us of time, of knowing what is really important. Jims eyes moved to the toy box, just visable to him from the living room. Stacy stood up and walked to the hall, putting her coat on she wiped the tears from her eyes. Jim placed his head in his hands and began to cry, heavy tears flowed into Jims hands as he sobbed, his heart breaking, all emotion seemed to flow through him at once. Stacy stood in the kitchen doorway now. Her voice sounded low, controled as she spoke, Jim, I am going now but I said I would ask you a question that would answer all i needed to know when i finished talking. Jim looked up and for the first time their eyes met. Stacy tried to stay confident, she needed to know the truth, she could nto live a lie, she could not bring their child into this and know Jim would only stay with her for the sake of Maya, he would always be her father, always. But Stacy needed to know if he would be her husband, if he wanted to be. Jim stood up and placing his hands on Stacys arms he wanted to hug her to tell her to forget this whole stupid thing and go back to the way they were. Stacy pulled away, No Jim, no. Stacys was sure she felt her heart break as she pushed him away, but she could not put the needle back to the beginning again, only to play the same tune again and again. This time she wanted Jim to think about what he wanted, to really think about it. She wanted all or nothing, not half measures anymore, not the half life they had both become used to, the half life she had accepted for too long. Stacy pulled the belt on her coat tighter and strighten her hair with her hands. Jim, Stacy said with emotion in her voice now, I am going now and I want you to please think about what you want, really want, I need to know and so do you. I can not take your unhappiness anymore, your talk of what you could have done if you had not been tied down with me an Maya, I can not listen anymore to your broken dreams and feel the guilt you place at my feet. I, Stacy stopped took a deep breath and then blurted out "I deserve more, we deserve more" If you wish to fight for this family Jim, to really fight for us, if we are what you want, then you will be at our coffee shop in the morning. If you are not there I will come home by 10am and I would be grateful if you and your things are gone. You will always be Mayas father and always be a huge part of her life, this is a given. I am going now to stay with Jeana and in the morning I hope you will have your answer and I will get mine. Stacy turned and walked towards the hall door. Not looking back she walked out onto the street, hands dug deep into her pockets she walked faster and faster down the street. Fear of bumping into a neighbour and having to talk about the weather or any kind of surface talk made her walk almost turn into a run. Only a short distance to her sisters front door, a short distance to holding her beautiful baby girl in her arms and she could survive until she knew the truth. 

Jim sat in the dark kitchen, the silence deafing him. Two coffee cups sat on the kitchen table, a rim of pink lipstick on Stacys cup made him smile and remember the times Stacy had brought him back to that afternoon. Jims gaze stayed fixed on the coffee cups for quite some time after Stacy left, his head full of thoughts, racing back and forth. The night ahead seemed endless.

Stacy thanked the bus driver and stepped onto the pavement on the highstreet. Everyone else looked normal, happy going about their daily business. The world was still going around Stacy thought, for some reason it seemed as if he should not be. Her world could be just about to crash down, her world could be about to change forever. Questioning how she had tried to handle things the day before, thoughts of just phoning Jim now and telling him she wanted that hug now, she had changed her mind and wanted to just go back to the way it was. These thoughts temped her, made her feel like giving in, like going back to her old life. Maybe her old life would be better than life for her without Jim? All these questions ran around her head. But deep in her gut she remembered the awful days of lonliness, the days of feeling so lost and worthless of not being able to get close to Jim, the distance between them each and everyday. Stacy could hear his voice now telling her, it was all in her mind, that things were okay. His avoidance of what was really happening just added to her unhappiness and made her fell like she was not worth fighting for, not of value to Jim anymore. Standing across the street from their coffee shop Stacy closed her eyes, for a moment she stood and wondered if she should just keep walking, never really know if Jim had turned up or not, the hurt that she would feel if he was not there would be so painful, but better to feel this pain now than for the rest of her life as he grew more and more distant from her. Okay, she told herself, open your eyes and face your truth. Stacy opened her eyes and saw a flame flicker in the window of the coffee shop, walking towards it the horn of a car almost frighten her to death, jumping out of the way Stacy ran to the footpath. Now standing outside the window, the candle that lite on their table flickered and caused a gentle glow in the window, a glow that seemed to light up the whole of Stacys world that morning. But where was Jim? No one sat at the table? Pushing the door open, the fimilier smell of brewed coffee hit Stacys nostrils, and breathing in deep the aroma, Stacy stood in the doorway and glanced around the room. The customers who sat around the coffee shop smiled towards her, as if they knew who she was and that the table with the candle on it was meant for her. Blushing Stacy glanced away, "Oh Jim are you here" Stacy said under her breath. "Good morning Ms. will you have a seat please" the guy serving that morning was annoyingly cheerful. Stacy had not seen him before, but it had been such a long time since she had been there, they could have changed staff a hundred times since. Pulling out the chair by their table Stacy sat, nearvous now of what was to follow, was this a dream? was she really there, looking now at the candle Stacy began to question what was real ? Looking at her watch Stacy saw it was 9.15am. A coffee cup was placed in front of her, but the hand that placed it on the table was not of the guy who had pulled out the chair for her, she knew this hand, knew every line, every mark, the shape of each nail, she hand felt this hand crease her, stroke her hair, she had kissed this hand. Lifting her own hand and placing it on top she looked up into Jims eyes. I asked if I could place a candle on the table, he said and if I could serve you when you arrived, told them it was your birthday, Jim grinned but his eyes were red, tired and sad. Stacy, Jim began, now i need you to listen. Stacys heart filled with love for Jim as he pulled his chair closer to hers, she listened like never before as Jim told her how he had gone over everything the night before, how he had asked himself again and again why he was so unhappy when he had it all, how he had thought of all they had gone through, the night Maya was born and how he had felt the whole world was his. All the time Jim spoke he held Stacys hand, I love you Stacy, I always will and I wish I could give you a happy ending to this sad story that has been ours for the past couple of years. Stacy again questioned what was real, what was happening, did she really hear what Jim had just said? I am so sorry Stacy, Jims eyes watered now as he continued to explain how he needed to explore his life more, how he needed his freedom to find his dreams. Stacy noticed how Jim spoke only of his own pain, his own dreams and it was at that moment she knew, really knew it was over. Why the candle Jim, Stacy asked as she pulled her hand from his. I wanted you to always remember the happy days you spoke of yesterday, to let you know no one can take those memories from you, we will always have our specail coffee shop, our specail place to come back to and remember those days. 

The pain that seemed to grip Stacys heart became less noticable to her as anger rushed through the very core of her being. Standing up slowly, calmly Stacy bent over and blew the candle out. Goodbye Jim. Jim stood quickly knocking the chair over that he had sat on, Stacy isn t it best if we remain friends, isnt it best for Maya. Stacy looked at him and relized she no longer knew this man, the man she had met in this very coffee shop was gone forever. Yes Jim, Stacy began, it is best we can communiate for Mayas sake and we always will, but I am no longer your wife and friends do not treat each other as we have for the past two years. Opening the coffee shop door Stacy walked outside, it had begun to rain and she thought how the weather matched her mood now. Standing at the bus stop now the pouring rain hid the tears that flowed down Stacys face,  With pain came a sense of freedom, with the sense of loss a sense of a new begining, and the truth shall set you free Stacy thought, the truth shall set you free.