Beautiful Lies (Trigger Warning!!!)

Maisy; a beautiful young girl, was content with her figure. She never weighed herself, unless she was at the doctor's office. She didn't have the need to in her eyes. Everything was perfect. Or so she thought... 

When Maisy hit the 8th grade she saw many beautiful girls her age. Once again she thought nothing of it. She just thought she was as beautiful as them. Why compare herself to others when she is just as beautiful. Then suddenly, a few boys started calling her names, like "you need to lose weight," Or "you're much more heavier than your friends." They even picked at her face flaws. She was so embarrassed everyday. It was the same old, same old all the time. She was thirteen, 5'5", and weighed 105 pounds. But those words hurt. Even if they weren't being honest, they still scarred her for life. On her fourteenth birthday, she had one wish and one wish only. It was to lose weight. She knew, with God on her side, he'd listen. She started watching workout movies and exercised while watching them. She didn't think it was enough though. One day, Maisy went to school and it was Friday-which meant Taco Bell day. Every Friday the teacher would go for a Taco Bell run for all the students. Well she ate three burritos and felt so guilty. She had no idea how to get rid of it. Then she overheard her best friend talking about a thing called "chew and spit." So she started to do it, but after a week she felt dizzy so she stopped. A few weeks later she had gained more weight. She now weighed 115. Yes, she gained ten pounds and didn't think anyone else would notice. Well they did. She got teased and teased. But the straw that broke the camel's back was her best friend calling her fat. She had enough. She had to lose weight. So she asked her what she should do. "Watch this," She said as she lead her into the bathroom and locked the bathroom door. She put her finger down her throat. Maisy just looked at her in disappointment. "Now you try," Said Chrystal, her best friend. "I... I don't think I can do it... I'm sorry. I can't do this." So Maisy walked away sadly. She couldn't believe Chrystal made herself throw up. 

The next day, Maisy came to school and she saw Chrystal sitting down by her computer and she sat down with Chrystal and asked, "so why do you do it?" "Why do I do what?" Asked Chrystal. "You know what I mean. Don't even pretend like you don't..." Maisy dead panned. "Oh, what I did yesterday. I should have known you wouldn't understand. I only do it to lose weight. I can eat whatever I want, how much I want, and still lose weight. Don't make a huge scene. We are in class."

So that same day, during lunch, Maisy sat down with friends, including Chrystal. When she saw Chrystal enter the bathroom, her stomach churned. She felt sick. Sick that her best friend would do that to herself. She knew it wasn't healthy. She knew the consequences. She didn't know much about eating disorders but she was sure that Chrystal had one. She was too beautiful to do that to herself. It broke her spirit. 

A few weeks went by and she had noticed that Chrystal had lost a drastic amount of weight. Maisy was suddenly jealous. She was desperate to be thin. So desperate she'd try anything. So she did. She saw how Chrystal made herself vomit. She did exactly what Chrystal did, but it didn't work. She tried and tried. Still nothing. She wondered why Chrystal could do it but she couldn't. She suddenly started crying by the toilet in the bathroom. Then someone knocked on the door and yelled " Who's in there!? I need the bathroom now!" The girl demanded. So Maisy got up off the floor and opened the door. This girl absolutely despised her. Of course she was the popular one. She shoved Maisy and knocked her down. Everyone in class laughed including Chrystal. 

A few years went by and Maisy wasn't happy about her body, but she didn't take any action. She still ate junk, didn't exercise, and kept food down.  One night, while her parents we're asleep, she thought she'd try forcibly throwing up again. This time she succeeded. She thought it would be a one time thing. But little did she know, it wasn't. She started doing it all the time. She couldn't stop, she wouldn't stop. Once she graduated High School, she finally had stopped. Her life went back to amazing. 

Years went by and she kept gaining and gaining, and she didn't even notice how far she had let herself go. She had finally realized it and when she turned 26, she decided to take action again. This time it spiraled into addiction. She wasn't happy anymore. All she could think about was her weight. She was obsessed. She would step on the scale, look at the numbers and just cry. She would look in the mirror and cry. She even cried herself to sleep every night. If she wasn't hungry she wasn't happy. She was only in a good mood when she was exercising, purging, restricting, or fasting. Everyone tried to help her, but she wouldn't listen. Everyone finally just gave up. There was nothing they could do. They shunned her out of their lives just because they couldn't stand to watch Maisy slowly kill herself like this. 

Soon things got worse. She thought she wasn't sick enough because she wasn't rail thin. The truth is, you don't have to be thin to have an eating disorder. It comes in all shapes and sizes. That's the worst eating disorder there is-EDNOS-Eating Disorder Not Other Specified, or also known as OSFED-Other Specified Feeding and Eating Disorders. You can also find that Atypical Anorexia falls into that category. Maisy kept it up because she didn't know how badly it affected her health. She was sick. She was slowly dying. She was anorexic. She needed help desperately. But at that point, she couldn't get help. No one believed in or trusted her anymore. Everyone was done with her games. She is now depressed. Doesn't care about herself. In fact she hates herself. Everyone tells her how beautiful she is but she doesn't agree. Then she found And. Ana helped her lie, she helped her hate, she helped her die. Maisy thinks that Ana is her best friend. Someone she trusts. Someone she can never lie to. Someone she can tell her deepest secrets to. It has been years and years, and she's still struggling. She's in love with Ana. Ana now controls her life. She suffers day in day out just to be pretty and thin. Because of Ana, she hates herself. But she still thinks Ana is trying to help her, but in reality she's a masochist. She destroys not only Maisy's life, but others as well. 

Many people, even men, go through eating disorders. Just because someone isn't thin, don't think it's not happening to them. It's way more psychological than physical. So if you or a loved one think you/they have an eating disorder please get immediate help. Don't wait until its too late. Remember you're worth it. No one deserves to suffer. You are not alone...oh and this picture of put up with this story, is a picture of how bad my teeth got from purging (voluntary vomiting). Please do not go down that road. Like I said before, you are worth it. Don't forget your beauty.