Story -

De-Rike

De-Rike

For once life had never felt as good, Amber strolled happily through town with some of her closest friends. It was her birthday and they were all going for cocktails on the quay side. After finishing a few of them they all decided to take a walk through the new tunnel and across to the other side of the river.

Walking into the tunnel they were all in awe of this modern architectural feat, the whole tunnel glowed with brightest radiance. It was white and warm, with a completely relaxed feel as they sauntered through, looking from time to time at the river which was lit up above their heads, adding more to the tunnels feeling of grandeur.

Arriving at the end, dusk was approaching fast, only a few scarcely scattered market stalls were still open so they decided to look around. The group were all drawn to the delicious smell of the fresh cake and crepe stall, the man behind the counter although frail and elderly, he had the kindest smile and a bright twinkle in his deep set green eyes. After ordering some of the cakey delights they talked for what felt like hours. As darkness fell the stall became a little cabin and the lights behind the kind man looked just like perfect stars. It was such a peaceful moment. Amber gazed at the sparkling lights she felt so much peace…….

As she was looking in her peaceful state the stars began to change and dim, the wonderment very soon turned into disgust, as she looked harder, the once mesmerising twinkling stars turned into shrivelled rotten cherries, they were almost black with decay.

Amber hadn’t noticed the world around her changing too. She was in a room surrounded by the people who she considered friends, yet she could not remember their names. The room was blue and woodchip, it was dark without windows and just the flickering of an old fluorescent light hanging above her head that continuously buzzed.

Everyone was still gazing at the once shining stars, as voice from a monitor screeched,” what do you see?” the group almost unanimously. “STARS, STARS, STARS” Amber did not see any stars, just the bleakest decay. Those around her looked like they had spent decades in this room, oblivious to their own demise. She looked down to see she was also filthy and wearing what could only be described as rags, she was malnourished and frail just like all the others.

The voice again this time directed at Amber “What do you see?” Amber replied “darkness” and the voice silenced.

The voice again called out this time to a man,  he glanced around fleetingly and fearfully as the door opened...

A heavy-set woman walked through and took the man by the hand, chanting the words “DE-RIKE”. Others joined in with the chant, where as some moved away facing the walls as to not look, and some just continued gazing at the rotten cherries, while chanting in unison.  A small door opened and the man was taken inside. The robust woman pressed a button on the wall, the man was instantly engulfed in flames, as he shriveled he floated upwards glowing greenish blue. He did not scream, nor seem in pain yet he certainly did not survive. Amber watched as his shrinking light disintegrated before her eyes through a transparent shoot up into the ceiling.

Fearful and unsure what on earth was happening, another man, touched her slightly on her shoulder, he had a familiar face but she couldn’t quite remember him. In a very low tone he whispered to her that she must follow what the others were doing or her fate would be the same as the gentleman who had just departed. She turned to him to ask how he had survived but he was gone. He was just another dirty face in the crowded room, of whom she could not recognise.  

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Comments

author
Jason Brown

Fantastic!

What begins as a rather simple story of a girls' night out, descends; slowly and tantalisingly: into a series of increasingly disturbing, nightmarish encounters/moments ... all of which seem to be building to your final pronouncement on conformity.

A (rather scary) joy to read!!

J XxXxXxXxXxXxXx

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author
Lorna

Funny you should say that Jason, i was looking for conformity as a topic, thanks sweetheart

Love

Lorna xx 

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Lorna

Thanks Lorris, glad you enjoyed this xx

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Deborah Evans

Hi  Lorna Great story  a scary nightmare indeed
 I want to read more lol 
Enjoyed!  Great writing 
Best wishes Debs xx

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Lorna

It was a scary nightmare Haha, thanks Debs, I'm glad you enjoyed it 

Lorna x

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Leah Yodico

Great,  scary though ## what a nightmare ##

I enjoyed reading and I finished till the last word ##only to find out -- a nightmare lol 

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Lorna

thanks Leah, 

glad you enjoyed it 

Lorna xx

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Richard Waters

Wonderfully constructed beautifully crafted piece as I would expect from you !

Keep 'em coming ! You are submitting some outstanding work !

The warmest wishes to you.  X

:)

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Lorna

Hi Richard, I really appreciate your words of encouragement, you are a fantastic writer and I am honoured..Thank you

Lorna

Xx

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Lost

The build-up and construction is well done.

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Lorna

Thanks for.your kind words Lost..

Lorna x

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Rose Sho

Spooky!!...I love the twist in this story..well done Lorna

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Lorna

Thanks so much Rose ...very glad you enjoyed this xxx

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Shaun Cronick

Didn't see that ending coming, never in a million years.
Thought it was to be finally revealed as a nightmare in a coma and then wakes up and all is sweet and content, the world keeps turning and said person's life can resume back to normal.
Gee whizz missed the mark on that front completely and by miles.

A compelling darkness of a write that consumes and with an ending that is so cold, bleak and destitute of hope.
The no happy ending found here shutters come down, for absolute closure.
Fade to black.
Loved it! For it begins in light then turns to darker and so cleverly well written throughout.
Have to ask why De-Rike?
Never heard that before.

Thanks Lorna for again writing something truly compelling and from poetries left field .
Stay safe my friend :) xx

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author
Lorna

Hi Shaun, thank for reading this one...i dont know where De-rike came from it was just the word  chanted in my dream at the time, well that's what I remember it as ... so really just a made up word! haha 🙈 I quite like tales which make you think and I'm glad this did that for you :)  
I do enjoy an intriguing ending over a happy one ...
lorna xx
 

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author
Shaun Cronick

Thanks for clearing that up Lorna and a mystery resolved there.
I can sleep assured tonight, till the thieving hobgoblins come a'calling again and steal all the pillows!🙈
And know what you mean about tales/stories that make a reader think.
Sometimes good doesn't always prevail.
And you mention enjoying an intriguing ending over a happy one ...
For if you have time, check out Roald Dahl's Tales Of The Unexpected.
Good luck on having sweet dreams after watching a few of them.
Shaun xx

 

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author
Lorna

Oh I will check those out, thanks for the recommendation....I haven't seen those  but I used to love the Alfred Hitchcock..Tales of the unexpected
Lorna x 
 

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