Evelyn

Evelyn was a quiet person. She loved to clean house, cook, bake. She was a woman of many talents. She was my mother. My mother kept to herself a lot. She wasn't one to mingle with neighbors but when she came out of her shell she could be an interesting person. My mother and I were not close but I admired her a lot. She wrote poetry and stories. She was close to my grandma. Sometimes I think they were a bit too close.

I admired my mother because she was so good at so many things. I don't think there was anything she couldn't do. Mom had a bit of a temper and you did not want to make her made. Her family was her life. She raised three children, me, my twin sister Kelly and my older brother Bobby. Mom was strict. Everything had to be perfect in our house. Shoes always off at the door. There was always house work to be done. The house work at times seemed endless. My mother never worked outside of the home until my father died when he was fourty seven. She was always there when us kids came home from school. My parents had a fairy tale marriage and I only remember them arguing two or three times when I was growing up. I only wish that I had been closer to my mother.

Both of my parents were Christians. They were very active in our church. My mom was diagnosed with brain cancer in October of '98. That was when I saw my mother through different eyes. My mom was never someone I thought of as a strong person. She didn't have good coping skills. My father and grandmother protected her a lot.

But when my mother became ill I saw a strength in her that I never seen before. Mom never asked Why me? or felt angry or depressed about her illness. She had surgery in '98 but the surgeon couldn't get all of the cancer. She was in Danville hospital but I couldn't go see her because I came down with the flu and didn't want to put her health at more risk. My brother Bobby was very angry that I didn't go see her. I think he thought I was making up being sick.I had many run ins with my brother after my Dad died because I was anorexic and he was very angry with me because of it. I tried to avoid him whenever I could because he scared me.

Mom decided after a while that she didn't want anymore surgery. She was given a few months to live. I was sure she would fall apart but much to my surprise she was strong and very brave. My grandmother was very over protective with mom especially since she was so ill. She told me, Kelly, and Bobby we were not to mention anything about her illness or talk about death. This really upset me because I wanted to talk to my mom about what was going on but grandma intervened. We weren't even suppose to cry in front of her. Mom accepted her illness but was worried over her children. What would our lives be like after she was gone? She wanted Kelly and I to have a relationship with our brother Bobby. That would be nice but we never had one to begin with. Bobby was a stranger to me. I only knew his angry side. I loved my brother but he didn't seem to feel the same way about me or Kelly.

The thought of mom dying was very real and very scary to me. I was confused over my feelings. I was never close to my mom so why was I grieving for her? Mom said she wasn't afraid of dying because she was going to be in heaven with the Lord but that she was sad to be leaving her children. It was a bitter sweet time. For 14 months mom suffered. She was in and out of a coma. She didn't stay in the hospital. For the first few months she stayed with my grandparents. When it got to be too much on grandma who was 80 years old, my brother Bobby took her in at our house. He didn't want to put mom in a nursing home because they would take all of Mom and Dad's savings. He had experience. At the time he worked at Clarks Summit State hospital and took about a year off to care for mom. Things were tense. Kelly and I would go to visit. Bobby was very angry. I suppose it was because he couldn't bear Mom's impending death and taking care of her on a daily basis was very stressful. We offered to do anything we could and asked him to call us but he never did.

December 17, 1999 Mom went to be with Jesus. I was relieved that her battle was finally over. Now she was at peace. But a big part of me felt a deep loss. I felt like an orphaned child. The mother that I was so many fights with and battled with for so many years was gone from this earth. There was not a feeling that could describe so well what I was feeling. Now I had no parents at all. I would never again be able to call up Mom and hear her voice. I would never again fight with her over my eating disorder, the clothes I wore or the way I wore my hair. It's been 16 years since my mother died and I still find it hard to believe she's gone. Oh how I wish that I could have had one last talk with her. I would tell her how sorry I am for all the years we fought. I would tell her how much I admire her for everything she taught me and how I want to be just like her.

In some ways I do think I am just like dear old mom. People tell me that all the time. I am a very good house keeper. I like my home to be clean and in order at all times. I took up house cleaning for a living and enjoy it. I drive past my parents old house almost everyday. Every time I drive past that old house I think of my parents. How hard they worked all of their lives. The house was remodeled but it still holds dear memories for me and my sister.

Mothers and daughters often clash. But what I learned from my mother's death is that there is no other relationship on earth more important then the one daughters have with their mothers whether good or bad. I also learned that forgiveness is very important because like it or not all of us are like our parents in some way or another even if most people do not want to admit it. She taught me to be proud to be a woman. She taught me to love God with all my heart, soul, and mind. She taught me how important it is to work hard. Mom didn't work outside the house until 2 years after my Dad passed away. But she was as hard a worker as any career woman only she worked in the house. Today stay at home moms are looked down on. But stay at home mothers work just as hard as career mothers. Sometimes I think they even work harder but they do not get the credit they so deserve. This is not to say that women who work outside the home aren't hard workers. It's okay whatever you do and I think ALL women are hard workers.

I am thankful for the Godly mother I had. Her life on earth was way too short but whenever I think of my mom today a smile comes to my face. I pray for all daughters who still have their mothers not to take them for granted. Even if you don't have a close relationship with your mom I pray that you work things out. I know not all mothers are loving and that is sad to me. But I was blessed with a great mom. We just had a communication gap. 

Now when I drive by our old house I can still see my parents out working in the yard. I can almost hear their voices. Losing a parent changes you forever. It helps you to grow up and look at life and relationships a whole lot differently. Suddenly you realize that life doesn't go on forever and it can be snatched away from you in a second. I don't know why God took my parents so young. I may never know that answer. May they rest in peace.