Experimental story Part one.

When life hates you, but it wont let you die.....
I had never seen a gun before. I didn't expect the metal to be so cold.
I look around the room. As if my demons are watching me. As if they sense what I'm thinking.
I remove my clothing.
let the fabrics that cover my body fall ever so gracefully to my bathroom floor.
I look at the slices down my side.
Inflamed by infection.
I guess sometimes the knife doesn't cut deep enough.
You need a 12 gauge to finish the job.
I gulp. I don't even know how to hold a gun.
Is there a special way I'm suppose to do this?
Do I aim it at my throat?
I wanna make sure I die or am at least brain-dead.
I put the barrel in my mouth stairing at my naked skinny flesh.
I guess this is it.
Then I hear a knock.
I was almost happy.
I didn't smile but my frown shrunk.
was someone hear to save me?
Did someone care?
I peeked through the tee shirt.
It was Gene from the office.
Should I just pull the trigger now?
No, I don't wanna scar an innocent man for life.
I threw on a nightgown.
and put the gun in the silverware drawer.
I always looked half asleep naturally.
So the charade was not hard to pull off.
I open the door with the fakest grin.
And a little yawn for emphasis.
"Uhm Jess, I didn't know you lived in this apartment? "
I look stunned "I assumed you decided to come tell me to get my ass back to work."
"well, although I am curious what happened to you, actually no. My car got towed about 5 minuets ago and I needed to borrow a phone to call a cab."
surprised and relieved I allow him my phone.
He hung up very disappointed. His blue eyes seemed so sad.
"they wont have a cab to this side of town available til 3am."
"thank you for letting me borrow your phone."
He walked towards the door. It was pouring outside. I was about to off myself anyways. Might as well do one last good deed incase there is a heaven.
"well, uhm you can stay for coffee? Its pooring out."
we sat at the table and smiled. "so where have you been? we miss our numero uno accountant." I tried to be as honest as possible without saying anything too stupid that would get me thrown in a psychiatric ward. "I just didn't feel like it". He looked puzzled. "I guess you could say i'm sick."
He didn't question it. Maybe he thought I was having feminine issues.
I would lie and say I wanted him to leave. But I liked the human interaction.
"can I have a spoon to stir in this creamer?"
I smiled "yea sure. top drawer on he left."
Then I choked on my words.
"WAIT" I panicked. "You see I am actually starting work tomorrow again. So I need some rest. can you head out?"
he shook my hand and thanked me for the hospitality.
I felt bad for being hostile. I ran holding down my blue gown. "wait!" With my awkward blonde smile I said "Let me walk you outside.
it was windy. he held my hand.
I didn't know what to think.
Maybe I can live one more night to go home with the guy from work and have a little adult fun.I
The night was dark. the light pollution of new York usually eats the sky. But in some beautiful manor I could see orions belt shining from the heavens.
He and I made love that night.
I was so happy.
I walked outside after throwing on my garments and headed into the sidewalk.
He walked up behind me.
" was that just a one night stand or are we like a thing now?"
I gulped. I assume he saw the gaps that cover my body, or atleast felt them. But everyone self harms. What would happen if he knew the cuts where a little deeper.
Before I could retrace or consieve an answer mentally. I heard a gunshot.
I looked down and saw the blood. I put my hand over my mouth.
He was dead.
Who shot him? I didn't care.
He was dead.
A guy I barely knew survived the fate I had chosen but he didn't get the choice.
I ran up the steps of his building. tears streaming until my eyes swelled.
When I closed my eyes all I saw was RED.
I closed my eyes and unbuttoned my gown
and I didn't jump I just let go.
I stood on the corner and went entirely limp.
As I fell with the wind in my face.
I waited for he white light
but all I saw was black
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Comments
Hi Breanna! This is a nice short short, although tragic. You might want to do some proofing, there are a couple typos that are a bit distracting from the flow. So sad. Poets seem to have some deep darkness in them, I know I do. Would love to see more from you! Great write! Thanks for posting! Susan
I know deep apologies.