Fixing A broken Heart

When I’m in love, I give with all of my heart. Love unconditionally and selflessly. The reason why I always end up crying.

I remember the first time I fall in love and break my heart.

I was just 19 then but it takes me two years to recover. Until I found another man that helps me forget the pain and taught me to love again. Our relationship runs about three years until the second broken heart comes.

I feel the same pain just like the first time my heart breaks. Same pain, same hurt but the cut seems so deep. This time, it feels it’s so hard to trust again.

Time runs so past but it did not help me heal the pain. I got some suitor but I never open my heart to them. I feel empty, I know I’m still hurting but I tried not to feel it.

“Numb” that is me in over a year and I’m getting to be used with that feeling.

I focused myself with my work and started getting better.  With the help of my friends and family I know I’m happy. ‘Till another person comes in my life.

Just the first time I saw that person, I feel troubled. Without him doing impressive things, I’m already impress. I know what I’m feeling and tried to ignore it.

Circumstances don’t go with me, instead fate has put me in this situation to deal with. The person im impress with seems to have mutual feelings toward me. His been persevere in getting close to me. And yes, with all the efforts he made, I dropped and fall in love again.

I feel so happy, I know I never been as happy as this before. I feel so blessed and love. I found the most caring and loving person beside me.  Our relationship seems so perfect but it only takes six months. :(

I break up with him even I still and until now loving him. I know it’s the right thing to do but it’s killing me. It feel so hurt to set him free when deep inside I know I don’t want to. My world stop, the time I did it, my heart, breaks into pieces.

I tried to be strong and show people I’m OK. I never show  to people specially my parents my tears. I hide my emotion.

My room, my pillow and blanket are the only witness of the tears I fall every night.

It feel so sad to feel the pain every night before I sleep. Even sadder when I wake up at dawn feeling so empty. And so much hurt to feel the pain the moment I open my eyes every morning.

The pain is killing me but I always tried to move. I’d done everything just to keep myself busy and forget what happen. I never let myself have even a little time to think and remember I’m hurt. All my vacant time was used in reading books till I fall asleep. I actually finish  seventy pocket novels  in all my vacant time in two months. After that,  I tried to make my own novels and finish five stories 98 to 100 pages each in three months.

“Weird” but those things I did help me forget and heal me slowly.

I know within me that the feeling is just there hiding and I know little by little the pain will sooner be vanished.

Loving someone sometimes really means letting go specially when you know that it’s the right thing to do.

I have to set him free cause I know that’s what he needed. It hurts, but it would be more painful to be with the person who have changed and needed someone not you....