Growing Up A Twin

I came into this world with a significant other, my twin sister Kelly. Kelly and I were raised in a strict Pentecostal home. We have an older brother Bobby. Growing up a twin has never been easy. While most people think it would be great to be a twin our experience was quite the opposite. Not because we did not get along or didn't like each other but because  we always had to prove ourselves to everyone.

Being a twin was quite difficult because our parents made us share everything from hair styles to clothes to toys and even the same bed until we were in our late twenties. This made us feel inhuman. My parents were quite strict with us. We were on the slow side and not real good in school. We didn't get involved in athletics which made my parents very angry. Our brother Bobby was very athletic. I think in many ways they wanted us to be like him. This created huge self esteem problems for me and Kelly. We were shy and not very popular. I had a few close friends. Kelly had no friends. We were both into art and pretty good at it but this for some unknown reason upset my parents. They said we had no talent. Today I think they would eat those words. Both of us are very artistic. I even sold a painting.

We weren't very close to either of my parents. My parents were Christians but most of the time I did not see their behavior as very Christ like. I had huge problems with self esteem. When I was nineteen I became anorexic. My father died in January of 1988. I was the only child home at the time. Even though I was not close to either of my parent losing my Dad was devastating. Under neath all my anger I really loved my Dad. I realized when he died I just wanted my parents to love me for me and be proud of me.

I learned a lot from my father's death. One that being a twin was not a curse or punishment and later down the road I would learn to cherish being a twin and realize that it is just a word. Twins want to be treated just like everyone else. My parents grew up thinking that twins had to be raised to be alike and that is just what they did. But it caused a lot of emotional trauma for my sister and I. I believe that is why I became anorexic.

My mom died in 1999 of a brain tumor. It seemed like my mother and I always were at war with each other. When she died I realized deep down how much I wanted to be like her. I always tried to get her approval but it seemed like she never approved of anything I ever did. When Kelly and I were growing up at home our job was to clean the house. My mother was an excellent home maker. That is one thing I admired most about her. My parents were hard on us about the house. Our work had to be up to their standards. I'm glad in many ways that they were hard on us because I became a good house keeper and do it for a living. My sister on the other hand is not at all a good house keeper and hates house work.

Today we are fifty years old. Kelly married and divorced and has two grown daughters. I stayed single and have no children but have a parakeet that I taught how to talk. Her name is Baby and she is a very good talker. My sister and I are very close and enjoy spending time together. We have no relationship with our older brother Bobby. Not our choice but his. After my parents died Bobby got really nasty. He was always rather nasty to me because I was anorexic and it embarrassed him. But I harbor no ill feelings towards my brother and hope someday he will want a relationship with his sisters. I have learned that being a twin is a wonderful thing but that we have to teach others a little about it. Most twins do not want to dress alike and want others to see them as individuals. My sister and I are very different. We don't even look alike anymore. We did when we were kids. Kelly has gained a lot of weight and I am very thin. Both of us like to paint. Kelly does beautiful cross stitch. I am learning to crochet. I am good at communicating. Kelly is not. I have lots of friends. Kelly has no friends. But we enjoy each other. Family is very important. I learned that when my parents died. Losing a parent at any age changes you. It also helps you realize what is important in life...  Never take life or your loved ones for granted....  Kathryn